What Went Wrong With… Compound Celebrity Super Couples & Power Couple Portmanteaus?

Brad Pitt plus Angelina Jolie equals BrangelinaFrom The Vaults Of

Ben Affleck + Jennifer Lopez = Bennifer
Brad Pitt + Angelina Jolie = Brangelina
Kim Kardashian + Kanye West = Kimye
Tom Hiddleston + Taylor Swift = Hiddleswift
Tom Cruise + Katie Holmes = TomKat

This is what happens when a single celebrity is so lacking in charisma that another star has to romantically join them for either to have any worth. I like to call this phenomena a “compound celebrity couple”; when two celebs possess less star-quality than any one person so the mainstream media combines the two in an attempt at making a whole, interesting personality. But what does that make Jay-Z and Beyonce? I suggest “B-J” because they both fucking suck.

A Couple Of Bland Bastards.

From The Vaults Of

This is an unpublished illustration from 2014 and an unfinished article from 2016. I started writing it but I basically said the same thing twice in one paragraph so I abandoned it for a while. By the time I came back to potentially sort it out, Swift and Hiddleston had broken up and Pitt and Jolie had filed for divorce. It’s been so long since I wrote this, that one of the couples has broken up, each had kids with other celebs and then remarried. Irrespective of the fact that this description is the same length as the bloody article, here it is.

2 replies »

  1. Are Power Couple Portmanteaus a relatively recent thing? There’s no way I’m gonna Google such a horrible thing, but I can’t recall any couples being referred to by their easily marketable name in the 70s or 80s. As Sartre said, Hell is other people enjoying digesting celebrity news.

    You saved yourself a lot of inner turmoil by not completing that article mate. I’d be sectioned by now if I had to write copy like that under pressure.

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