You really have to wonder how and why Nick Cannon is famous. Looking like a reject Wayans brother who fell off the talent tree and missed every branch on the way down, this wanker can’t host, can’t rap, can’t act, and can’t do stand-up, but somehow he’s doing all this shit and more. Maybe wearing no socks with dress shoes and a flapper turban like he’s been chucked head-first into Oxfam, means people are distracted by his mid-life crisis outfits to bother listening to his bland-arsed output. Sure, there’s lots of mediocre stand-ups, a load of hack actors, and a tonne of trash rappers about, but like a sex-starved burglar at a McVitie’s factory, this fucker takes the biscuit.
This is an unfinished and previously unpublished article from 2014 and caricature from 2021.