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What Went Wrong With… Musicians With Synesthesia?

An illustration of someone with SynesthesiaSynesthesia or Synaesthesia is a neurological condition in which information meant to stimulate one of your senses stimulates another or several of your senses. When I was young, a member of my family described food in terms of colour and shape and it used to sound simultaneously novel and natural; and it started to make sense once you got the gist of it. Whether that member of my family was quietly suffering from synaesthesia or not, what didn’t happen is them being classed as some kind of culinary prodigy. This is the complete opposite of what’s been occurring in the entertainment industry for the last few decades. Never in human history has a disability been raised to a level of godliness, with artists, specifically musicians, suffering from this particular disorder being designated or diagnosed as geniuses. I’ve watched and read numerous interviews in which celebrities speak about this condition, and the way in which the interview is presented, it’s like these musician’s alleged affliction somehow adds to their apparent artistry like an official badge pinned to their persona reading “proof of talent”. This would be tolerable, until you take a look at a list of synaesthesia sufferers; it’s like reading the names of the most overrated, most conceited twats in existence…

Firstly, we have Kanye West, who despite looking to me like he’s having a two-decade-long mental breakdown, he’s apparently a talented synaesthete. Whether he hears colours, sees sounds, or tastes Kim Kardashian‘s ass, Kunte’s Yeezy Foam sneakers have to have been created (and bought) by someone with a sensory problem because they look and feel like white dog shit. Aside from designing garbage trainers, West is also a talented musician according to some, but surely if he was, he’d have heard, oh sorry seen, his out of tune singing in “Drunk And Hot Girls” perhaps as a brown visual stain…

Whilst on the topic of overrated noughties producers, we also have Pharrell Williams. Another sufferer of synaesthesia, this is the bloke who’s seen as some sort if Hip-Hop genius by many fans despite him being responsible for the shite “Blurred Lines”. This ex-Neptune, skating N.E.R.D. also made “Happy” which sounded like something yanked out of Sesame Street‘s reject bin, and surely alarm bells should have been ringing in Pharell’s eyes when someone handed him that oversized Mountain hat by Vivian Westwood which looked like it was made for Smokey Bear’s noggin.

I remember that Lorde was (and probably still is) heralded as an introspective and distinct musician but all of her songs are either overrated or outright trash. Listen to “Green Light” with its appalling structure, rhyming, delivery, tone, and probably colour. What a bloody genius…

Beyonce is also a sufferer of synaesthesia and she named her kid “Blue” which is probably how she sees the word “nepotism”. Through years of mainstream critic bootlicking, fans seem to ignore Bey’s venture into sexism and hypocrisy. One day she was bragging about “Independent Women” but only after making “Bills, Bills, Bills”. Hey, maybe green sounded good to her…

Bringing this list to the present day, we also have Billie “Forget My Best Friend Was A Wifebeater Remember I’m An Activist” Eilish, a singer-songwriter who’s seen as some kind of angsty-dark-pop-heroine but she also makes songs like “8” which sound like a 40 year old phone sex worker doing a kid’s voice for nonces. I feel this track is “Sickly Pink” like Billie Eilish’s hair back in the day…

Billie’s brother Finneas is also an alleged sufferer of synaesthesia despite his production sounding like a conical spiral (shit). When he appeared on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon apparently heard something different than the rest of us, which may point to Jimmy suffering from a different auditory disease or maybe it’s indicative of him being an arse-licking sycophant. Here’s nepotist genius producer Finneas O’Connell with his lumpy-feeling beats…

There’s other artists who suffer from synaesthesia including Charli XCX and Billy Joel. Safe to say, this is a list of musicians who do not stand out whatsoever. Their music is Pantone 14-1118… it sounds beige as fuck…

It has to be acknowledged that real musical talents ranging from Chuck Berry, Sam Cooke to Michael Jackson, and stylistic innovators like Little Richard and David Bowie don’t or didn’t suffer from synaesthesia and genre pioneers like DJ Kool Herc, Grand Master Flash or Big Daddy Kane, or an outright musical polymath like Prince didn’t either so who the fuck are these lames and why should we respect them? Synaesthesia seems to be a faux badge of honour for overrated twats who’ve unduly received a barrage of praise from a gaggle of obsequious critics. So go and shove your list of vain, over-valued, synesthetic pricks up your arse. Reading the names of synaes-pathetic celebrities is like hearing that the Black Eyed Peas or NSYNC are synesthetes; it does fuck all to change the fact that their music is muzak.

Synaesthesia or Mythomania or Hypochondria?

5 replies »

  1. Why do people think that having a mental illness or neurological condition makes an artist better? It doesn’t! I have autism but that doesn’t make me talented. I can’t sing, my rapping is poor, and I don’t know how to play instruments yet. I’ll need to practice and take lots of lessons. If an artist is talented, it’s NOT because of their mental illness or neurological condition!

    Sorry for the rant. It’s just… frustrating! 😫

  2. I have that thing for the months in color, didn’t realize people touted themselves as geniuses for such a random thing. It’s actually pretty nice, I don’t see how people could suffer from it…remind me to never acknowledge again that I have synesthesia since these pricks monetize it 😅

  3. “Aside from designing garbage trainers, West is also a talented musician according to some, but surely if he was, he’d have heard, oh sorry seen, his out of tune singing in “Drunk And Hot Girls” perhaps as a brown visual stain…”

    I absolutely died laughing at this part! 🤣

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