What Went Wrong With… Edgar Ramirez?

A caricature of Édgar Ramírez by What Went Wrong Or Right With...?

Édgar Ramírez is one bland bastard. To me, he’s a Venezuelan Gerard Butler; a bearded, middle-aged, dull-arsed, pudgy-faced “actor” who should have pursued his original career rather than inflicting his non-skills on all us cinema-goers. Whilst on the subject of hack Scot actors, Edgar is a little bit “Sean Connery” too, who played every nationality from Spanish to Irish in his own Scottish accent. If you’ve watched any of Edgar’s films, you’ll notice that Ramirez also mumbles his lines in his own (sometimes undecipherable) South American accent. Short of playing a Franco-Spanish plumber relegated to the background of a scene, I fail to see how and why this bore is offered any roles at all.

Eddie once played “Dr. Kamal Abdic” in The Girl On The Train, who was possibly a Bosnian or someone from the Balkan region. The audience’s lack of knowledge when it comes to accents and locations is the only thing keeping the world from questioning the accuracy of Edgar’s characters. But, since his delivery is so banal, so unexceptional, and even soulless, you rarely notice Ramirez unless you’re specifically on the lookout for unremarkable actors.

In The Undoing, Édgar Ramírez plays a New York detective with yet another dodgy accent (I’m unsure if he’s even trying to change it) that sounds about as believable as Nicolas Cage in Captain Corelli’s Mandolin or Michael Caine in The Cider House Rules. I don’t know what it is about Americans specifically, but they either can’t tell or they don’t care when someone shows up with the most laughable attempts at a Yank voice.

Aside from his crap vocals, check out Edgar’s films: The Counselor, Domino, Zero Dark Thirty, Point Break (the remake), Wrath Of The Titans, The Last Days Of American Crime… his filmography is utter wank. How someone can sustain a Hollywood career with such a weak selection of films and mediocre skills is anyone’s guess, although I suppose acting-hacks are on the rise in film and television, and in and amongst the likes of Ruby Rose, Édgar Ramírez seems like a beardy Meryl Streep by comparison. Also, in Kathryn Bigelow’s Zero Dark Thirty there’s Jason Clarke‘s drab-arse, and when in the vicinity of his weird-looking mush, you’re not the most irritating face on screen.

Édgar Ramírez’ almost expressionless delivery makes him one of the most overrated actors out there (he holds quite a few award nominations in case you didn’t know). As a leading man, he has no spark, no x-factor, he has about as much star-quality as a vacuum-sealed gammon joint on a pike. With his limp facial expressions and his eyes, nose, and mouth at the very centre of his wide face, Édgar Ramírez looks like a reject Flexiface puppet, wielded by someone with less than three digits. I’d rather listen to RVMIRXZ whilst watching a Richard Ramirez interview.

Mister Ed.

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