Hubie Halloween is Netflix’s seasonal offering, an autumnal comedy horror co-produced, co-written, and starring Adam Sandler. Sandler plays Hubie Dubois, a mild-mannered dolt with a Jeff Bridges underbite obsessed with health and safety. The on-screen blurb reads: “Hubie’s not the most popular guy in Salem, Mass., but when Halloween turns truly spooky, this good-hearted scaredy-cat sets out to keep his town safe”.

Given that this movie is set during Halloween, the opening scene for some reason, is ripped right out of Black Christmas (2006). Hubie is also a slight parody of movies such as Fright Night and Halloween and simultaneously a pastiche of every noughties comedic trashfest, most of which featured Adam Sander himself. Filmed in Massachusetts, you’d think that the screen would be awash with autumnal scenery but Hubie Halloween is less Knives Out and more Hocus Pocus… it’s faker than Kevin James’ mullet wig. It looks like the end of summer in many scenes and the cinematographer has made no attempt at creating a fall atmosphere. The end result therefore, is a mediocre comedy that assumes it’ll find an audience this time of year simply by scattering as many cotton spider webs and plastic pumpkins around the set as possible.

Whenever Adam Sandler does one of his characteristic stupid voices, the film in question is one of the worst “comedies” around. From Little Nicky to The Waterboy to Netflix’s own Sandy Wexler, I don’t think I’ve been able to sit all the way through any of them. Sandler’s shitfests are nowhere near comedic to begin with; but when he’s pratting around doing a silly voice, they become less side-splitting and rib-tickling and more irritating and even infuriating.

In Sandler’s latest daft-voiced creation, we have Hubie, who is supposed to be an all-round good-guy but having a central character this thick and this gullible goes beyond endearing and into the realms of annoyance. The unbelievable love interest and the unfunny overreactions by the central character are of course trademarks of Happy Madison Productions, and if you’re a fan, this is exactly what you’ll be expecting (and I assume will enjoy since you’re the ones who’ve given this a 9.6/10 on IMDb). For everyone else, the combination of bad acting and an unamusing script is a thing of nightmares.

Being able to attract an impressive ensemble cast has never distracted from the utter shite that is an Adam Sandler movie. No matter how much you may enjoy seeing Kenan Thompson, Steve Buscemi, and Ray Liotta, a shit movie is never anything more than a shit movie. And as I’ve already said; Adam, even in the best of times has a punchable face, but when he’s sporting one of his dumb, amateurish voices, his skin target increases in size. And if a film stars both Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider, alarm bells should be ringing… avoid this twat-filled catastrophe at all costs!

There’s nothing worse than a failed comedy. Although it wishes it was, Hubie Halloween is not witty, it’s not gross-out, and the slapstick doesn’t generate laughs either. Even the wannabe humourous prop; the Swiss Army Thermos is a comedic dud. There’s an outtake reel during the end credits which is always indicative of a lame comedy… look how much fun we had during filming! It’s a pity the filmmakers didn’t care about how little fun the audience at home would be having.

Set in the epicentre of witch-hunting aka Salem, Hubie Halloween features a scene in the Salem Witch Museum (which I’ve had the misfortune of visiting). Unfortunately for writers Adam Sandler and Timothy Herlihy and director Steven Brill, this film is as stale and as lifeless as the exhibits in that tourist attraction.

Hollow-een.

Writing: 1/10

Directing: 1/10

Acting: 1/10

Overall: 1/10