Caricatures

What Went Wrong With… Fred Durst (& Nu-Metal)?

A caricature of Fred Durst by What Went Wrong Or Right With...?

The mid-to-late ’90s and early ’00s were chock-full of shite Pop music. With bling bling “players” ruining Hip-Hop and backward-baseball-cap-wearing “dudes” wrecking Rock, music was being steered by both sides into a ditch, a ditch that was smack-bang in the middle-of-the-road. Nu-Metal which was a combination of these two declining genres, was for the most part, a musical car-crash with tattooed and pierced white boys and their faux-angst being channelled into skateboarding, guitar-strumming, and crap rap-singing. Aside from groups like System Of A Down, this subgenre was littered with mediocrity, and it therefore appealed to suburban teens who dressed like school shooters but whose worst crime was getting detention for being tardy. If you remember the godawful cargo pants, goatees, frosted-tips, and wallet chains that went along with Nu-Metal, you’ll remember that fans and band members alike looked corny as fuck, even back then. Thinking back to that period of time still brings me out in a cold sweat, and recalling Rock-douches such as Limp Bizkit, Bloodhound Gang, Papa Roach, Kid Rock, and Evanescence is a thing of nightmares. As an example of this period of pish, just watch the music video to Limp Bizkit’s most famous song “Rollin” which opens with frontman Fred Durst saying “patna” and “baby” like an uber cornball…

In the year 2000 🤮 at the MTV VMAs 🤢, Durst did a duet with fellow noughties wack hack Christina Aguilera. After getting negative reactions to this performance with many viewing it as a major embarrassment to the rock world (like it’s possible for a pop-rock-rapper to “sell out”) Durst said “I already told you guys before, I did it all for the nookie, man”. Aguilera however, said “He got no nookie”. Three years later, after a another make-believe relationship, this time with Britney Spears (remember when he told the paparazzi that he’d “eat the corn out of her shit”?) Fred Durst appeared on The Howard Stern Show to delve into the ins-and-outs. Stern when not having an Islamophobic, racist rant is usually perving over women, so it was quite apt that Fred Durst would go on his show to speak at length about Britney’s body, her pubic hair, and everything in-between… what a gentleman. In response to this claim, similar to Aguilera, a spokesperson for Spears said “It’s sad that he’s decided to make up stories, and the situation feels very junior high school”. Yup.

Fred Durst was (and probably still is) the epitome of immature douchebaggery, not just because of his (imaginary) objectifying of women but also because he looked like an over-groomed and under-performing college drop-out more concerned with keg-stands and beer pong. Although looking like a campus clown, Freddy-boy didn’t make it to higher education; after high school, he instead enlisted in the armed services. According to The Unauthorised Biography Of Limp Bizkit by Lang Whitaker, Durst was medically discharged from the Navy after he broke his hand skateboarding, and this to me, sounds very similar to lanky, crescent-moon-faced “actor” Adam Driver‘s stint in the Marines. It’s very convenient that celebrity fandoms brag about their idols “serving their country” even though most have seen zero action. In reality, these military-stars are far from defending their nation, they are instead destroying the United States, at least artistically.

Back to Durst’s musical career, if you don’t recall, Limp Bizkit once remade George Michael’s “Faith” which was unsurprisingly atrocious. Even before his passing, Georgios must have felt like rolling into the nearest grave. Not content with f-ing-up his own shit, covers such as this prove Durst fucks-up everything he touches; he did, after all, ruin red baseball caps long before Donald Trump. But I digress.

With the vocal skills and lyrical content of a talentless, petulant teenager, Fred Durst and his group Limp Bizkit are the embodiment of Pop music trash. As a labelmate-slash-friend of Eminem, Durst once collaborated with Slim Shady on a song titled “Turn Me Loose”, and if you have the courage to listen to that garbage track, you can bear witness to some appalling production alongside Fred’s tragic rapping which makes Eminem’s overrated arse sound like Kool G Rap in comparison…

Whilst on the topic of Eminem, there was once a feud between Durst, Em, and DJ Lethal which to me, was like a middle-America wigger-off with no winners but three losers. Similar to Eminem and D-12, Fred Durst is the lead singer of one of the dumbest-named bands and has been responsible for some of the shittiest songs known to man. Not content with obliterating one artform, Durst now wants to duplicate his shittery in film form. As a writer-director, Fred has made three films so far, and I had the misfortune of watching one of them recently (The Fanatic starring John Travolta). This movie was utterly dire; it had no emotion, no meaning, and no drama, kinda like his music. At one point the character of a B-movie actor (played by Devon Sawa who also played Eminem’s “Stan” – six degrees of shite separation?) puts on a Limp Bizkit song in his car. Thanks to the lacklustre writing, directing, and music, this scene was an example of how talentless and lacking in artistry Fred Durst is, in every field he tries his hand at.

Durst was nominated for a worst director Razzie but he should also be given some kind of award for having the worst sex tape (Google it if you have the stomach). I’d love to know why celebrities who aren’t particularly good at sex want to release (sorry, “leak”) their substandard boinking online (Kim ahem Kardashian). In any case, who in their right mind wants to see this dick and this dick’s dick?

Now rocking a dodgy-looking beard, Conchita Durst looks like one of those stuck-in-the-past divorced dads having a midlife crisis. And on that note: the passage of time aside from making Nu-Metal singers look long-in-the-tooth, makes the genre seem retrospectively (yet incorrectly) credible (to some people). Chester Bennington’s suicide for example, led people to revaluate Linkin Park with journo-morons heralding them as some kind of musical geniuses rather than Transformerssoundtracking lames. That being said, I doubt that even autoerotica asphyxiation gone wrong would make Limp Bizkit’s discography sound any better. If given the option, I’d rather listen to Robert Durst (no relation – to which Bob lets out a sigh of relief).

Limp As A Wet Rag.

8 replies »

  1. Hey WWWW…..

    Been awhile, hope you are well.

    I can’t lie, I liked some of LB stuff, they were a good bunch of musicians. Wes Bolan is a great guitarist, and the two cousins formed a great rhythm section, that boy can drum. I thought some of that periods nu-metal or whatever you want to call it was pretty good.

    Regarding our man Fred, indeed, history has shown the man to be a bit of a cock. And The Fanatic – I implore you to watch Chris Stuckmanns review of it on YouTube, funny as fuck.

    But despite our slight difference this time, still love your writing mate….

    David

    • Cheers mate. I just watched the review you mentioned and I agree with almost all of it:

      I don’t personally think The Fanatic is worth watching in an ironic, tongue-in-cheek way. From Travolta’s wannabe Rain Man performance complete with ear-wax sniffing and “poo” line, the out-of-place narration/voiceover (which people didn’t seem to mind in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood) plus the lack of empathy, it was all too awful to bear. People are better off watching De Niro in The Fan or like Stuckmann said Robin Williams in One Hour Photo.

      Peace.

      (BTW I edited your opening line because three Ws followed by dots is rendered as a hyperlink)

  2. Any chance you can do an article on rapper Smokepurrp? I heard he’s fallen off so hard, recently. Fallen off so hard for him to sell a whopping 5k, on his last LP. Hi and G-East because G-East sold 8k his last project.

    • Lol that bitch is who ruined Zeltron by getting him to feature in TWO goddamn songs. Zel probably only agreed coz they both Floridans…and he sounds like every other rapper in the game… you think Em is a photocopy of the rappers he bit off? Smokepurrp sounds like an incoherent mix between Lil Chump-sorry, Pump-Comethazine, Playboi Carti and every other SounCloud lame out there. It’s a damn shame that people call him Purrp, when the real Purrp is SpaceGhostPurrp, another rapper he bit off of (RVIDXR KLVN 4 LIFV BITCH)

  3. Eddie Van Halen once held a gun on Fred Durst to get his equipment back. Honestly I think Eddie could’ve killed him and we all as a society would’ve just let him get away with it. Lol

  4. Another douchey band from the late 90s made news recently when Smashmouth had that stupid biker concert which no doubt will have helped spread Covid. Their douchebag singer was all like “fuck that Covid shit” to a mask-less crowd. It just goes to show that conservatives can’t book decent entertainers too. I mean Donald Trump had to resort to using 3 doors down at his inauguration. Pathetic.

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