What Went Wrong With… Lil Uzi Vert?

An image of hair colour, a nose ring, and an emo scene guide book to represent Lil Uzi Vert's look

If a member of the public saw Lil Uzi Vert without hearing any of his music, they’d assume he was some kind of emo, alternative, indie rapper making distinctive songs. These people would be wrong of course, because if they looked beyond Vert’s dayglo clothing and septum nose ring, they’d immediately realise that his counterculture style is simply a veil and an affectation. Like a Trap Noel Fielding, Uzi’s outward appearance is there to divert from the fact that his “art” is mainstream and hackneyed. Take his much-delayed album Eternal Atake as an example: during its lengthy recording and hype period, the LP featured imagery that evoked the logo of the Heaven’s Gate cult. Years later it now sports a watered-down, and non-controversial album cover… yawn. Musically and artistically therefore, Eternal Atake is representative of Lil Uzi himself; out of date, not worth the wait, and nothing special.

Take a listen to his latest release: with his Justin-Bieber-style “I’m Sorry”, The Weeknd-esque “Urgency”, and poppy-pish “Bust Me”, I’m left wondering what the fuck is so special about Lil Uzi’s trap muzak? The gamer-slash-industrial production in “You Better Move”, the echoes of “Bigger Than Life”, and the synth looping in “Futsal Shuffle 2020” makes his chart-safe, radio-friendly content seem better than it actually is, but listen to any of his mixtapes and albums from start to finish whilst ignoring the embellishments and notice how ordinary he really is. “Brabus”, “Bentley” and “bitches” is hardly unique lyrics in contemporary Hip-Hop or should I say Hip-Pop?

Lil Uzi Vert is of course not the worst musician out there. If pushed, I’ll admit his flow isn’t too bad but he’s no Joe Strummer or ZillaKami; he’s not eccentric and he’s definitely not a genius. He’s more like a rap Billie Eilish: a glorified bubblegum pop star wrapped-up in a superficially “unusual” façade. Vert’s influences are Marilyn Manson and Paramore but his music isn’t even on-par with his mainstream idols who despite being overrated, at least made some memorable tracks in their time. With magazines like Rolling Stone doing puff pieces on this similarly overrated tit, is it any wonder that Lil Uzi is showered with undeserved admiration and adoration? I mean for fuck’s sake, his latest album ends with a Backstreet Boys interpolation. Can the man be any more lame?

Let’s admit this: Lil Uzi Vert is not a left-field rapper, he’s not a quirky musician or an idiosyncratic artiste; his autotuned singing proves that much. Even his stage name contains the utterly overused “Lil” prefix and the make of an Israeli gun. Fronting like a rock star but making music like a generic trapster, his shit ain’t “emo rap” or “punk rap” by any stretch of the imagination. Looking like a sentient Chia Pet that’s been shot with a chrome nail gun and dipped in fluorescent paint, Lil Uzi Vert is as mediocre as he is contrived.

Eternal Attack.

20 replies »

  1. Whoa! Back with the rap caricature articles, eh? Uzi is a pretty decent rapper in songs like XO TOUR Llif3, but not the best by a long shot, I mean people like Trippy Redd, xxxtentacion(RIP) Ski Mask The Slump God and Gucci Mane are better artists (not the best lyrically but still, music you can listen to in the club or gym has place) I do like Billy Eilish though, especially the chorus to SIRENS | Z1RENZ. By the way, will you be doing an article on the new Denzel Curry album?

    • Billie Eilish is set to be the most overrated artist of this generation. Not saying she isn’t talented but everybody’s acting like she’s unique and unusual. I guess compared to lames like Camila Cabello she is. Her album was average at best and yet it received every award known to mainstream man. 🧐

  2. Billie Eilish does suck. I’m glad that you finally said something about her. I’ve been waiting for you to do a whole piece on what is wrong with her. You know her manager said that Thom Yorke said that she’s the only woman doing her own thing or something like that. Thom hasn’t confirmed he said that and I doubt he said it. Thom would know way better than to say something like that. He’s worked with artists like PJ Harvey. He knows what a good female artist is.

    • The mainstream media always loses their shit when they see someone wearing any item of clothing they’re not currently wearing…
      They’ve got blue hair, they must be artistic!
      *applies to both Lil Uzi Vert and Billie Eilish

  3. When I see that picture of Billie Eilish and her brother holding all of those Grammy awards it truly sickens me.

  4. Lol stfu hater. eternal atake was 🔥…second best album of the quarter year…behind the eminem album. lets see if u can rap better fuckboy. I only came to this site becoz of my brother becoz he recomended it too me. all i can say is it’s should stop writing this hack blog fool.

    • Here we go with the cliched comments: “hater” and “let’s see if you can do better” …so anyone with a differing opinion to yours is “hating” and people outside of a particular artistic field cannot comment on art? You know how utterly moronic that sounds? By that logic you’re also HATING on my site and since you’re not a writer, critic, or illustrator, YOU CANNOT criticise me either.

      What a daft wanker you are. I guess illiterate twats are attracted to shite albums.

    • Lol, your beats are generic garbage! I can’t believe you linked to that shit like we’re all supposed to be dazzled by your skills 😂 No wonder you’re so easily impressed.

      That piano on “Choppa Gang” sounds like a kindergartner made it! “Shotta Flow” it is not.

      FYI, you’re waaaaaaay out with guessing my age but keep trying I guess. Now fuck off you little semen-stain, you’re marked as SPAM.

    • I don`t get it. Why would anybody born 1946 – 1964 use a sp-12??? Boomers and Gen X invented different types of music. 1 made Rock N Roll, Disco, Glam etc. 1 made Hip Hop, Grunge, House etc.

    • Lol, my dumbass bro can’t do anything but rant about how good he is. At least he linked y’all to my SoundCloud, that’s a nice gesture… Don’t take a man who calls Young Thug a “G.O.A.T” seriously.

  5. I’m late but I’m of the age that follows such ar-tit-s and damn I gotta say, I can’t believe they call this shit fire. I gotta thank you for pointing me to K-Rino, he’s definitely the best I’ve ever heard.

    I definitely don’t agree with all of your political beliefs but thank you for your cutthroat rationality and logical approach. You give me hope that the world can get it’s shit together.

    Also, since I’m expanding my music catalogue in general, do you have any good rapper-singers from the Golden Era I could listen to? Thanks man.

  6. My production has improved biotch…and eternal atake is still dope…you keep sucking underground repers lyk what tf is a krino lol…all of them suck…and u still havent improved ur writing lyk 6ix9ine is better than all those boomers u listed and outkast is my fav duo.. t.i is dope af and has better punchlines than ur lame hipser rappers.

    • For someone who hates this site so much, you spend hell of a lot of your time and energy on it. Your time would be better spent informing your brother that writing “lyk” whilst telling someone their writing hasn’t improved is irony since he doesn’t understand the concept.

      In one sentence you say old-arse OutKast are your favourite duo and then you have a dig at “boomers”. Are you mentally challenged or just a hypocritical cunt? And BTW: hipsters listen to OutKast more than they do Killer Rhymes Intellectually Nullifying Opponents. I’ve never seen a hipster listening to Labba, Jaz-O, B.C.C., Double X, Killa Kids, Klik Ga Bow, CNN, Mobb, Now Born but whatever makes you feel comfortable. I HAVE seen bitches listen to Lil Uzi Vert though, you included.

      Go and vote Modi out instead of pestering me with your poorly-written, poorly-thought-out bullshit. Oh and quit producing: you’re shite at it.

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