When I first saw Adam Driver on screen, I thought he had the appearance and demeanour of a second-rate serial killer. According to Wikipedia, as a child, Driver set fire to things and set up a “Fight Club” after being influenced by the film. This means I wasn’t too far from the truth since most psychopaths start out by committing arson, exhibiting aggression, and possessing violent fantasies.
Like many other mediocre murderers, Adam Driver then joined the military who seem to siphon-off potential killers. After the September 11th attacks, Adam signed-up to the Marines, although he was medically discharged after he dislocated his breastbone whilst mountain biking 🤔. Similar to Canibus and countless other celebrities, Adam Driver was conveniently discharged before he saw any genuine action. Isn’t it odd how famous fuckers never return home limbless or in a body bag? Of course some people see the military as a fully-fledged career and for many it’s the only way to get a decent education, but as someone who saw it first-hand, only hate-filled, Islamophobic, fake-patriotic scum joined the armed forces after 9/11 and I have no doubt that Driver is of that ilk.
This bent-faced Baptist now has the gall to star in The Report (a movie set in the aftermath of September 11th). Surely it’s ironic that the lead of this movie is the very person who believed the government’s information regarding the War On Terror? The furore over being attacked and a sense of retribution that was whipped-up by Bush and his cronies post-9/11 led Adam to potentially kill unconnected people and here he is in a film denouncing the torture of those “enemies”. Even though most sane people in 2001 could see there was no connection between an ex-C.I.A.-funded-and-trained Saudi Arabian allegedly bringing down the Twin Towers and declaring war on Iraq and Afghanistan (and subsequently murdering hundreds of thousands Iraqi and Afghani civilians) morons like Driver thought there was some kind of correlation between stateless terrorists and random Muslim countries. Unfortunately these wankers outnumbered the rest of us but they now get to prat about condemning the very thing that got them all unnecessarily hot and bothered. Go figure.
The Report is an anti-torture film courtesy of fake-liberal Vice Studios and creators of mediocre filmic pith Amazon Studios. This film is guilty of naivety and contradiction on an idiotic scale; it’s pro-war but anti-Bush administration and it’s pro-intelligence but anti-torture. Anyone not gargling on the frenulum of the government knows that intelligence agencies, falsified intelligence, and general wrongdoing is intertwined with all military conflicts. In modern society (if ever) you cannot have a war without the intelligence agency’s involvement and those who lack scruples and morals (people who readily doctor evidence, instigate insurgents, supply arms, and profit from conflict) are hardly going to care about due process and the Geneva Convention. So what’s the point in acting all surprised that war brings the attention of certain murky agencies who think they’re above the rule of law? More importantly, what’s the point in bragging about whistle-blowers and moralistic suits on the peripheries of the War On Terror almost two decades after the event? When it actually mattered, the lead of this film (and probably lots more of the cast and crew) were baying for unrelated Islamic blood. Who gives a flying Boeing 767 fuck what these faux-liberals think now? And as far as I remember, it wasn’t just C.I.A. black sites that tortured individuals, what about the army personnel at Abu Ghraib? And that’s just the high-profile case that we civilians know about. My point is that all branches of the military are complicit in evil depending on the ethics and morals of the individuals leading, obeying, and fighting the war. According to shite flicks like this, it’s only the C.I.A. who are shady but the Army, Navy, and Air Force are infallible saints. So is calling an air-strike on a place of worship, school, or hospital less morally reprehensible than flying people to undisclosed locations and torturing them? Nope, but Hollywood will have you vent at specific agencies rather than the entire concept of war (a completely unjust war at that). Fuck your belated and therefore pointless “Report”.
This overrated twat actor then gave a TED talk about how he went from the Marines to Hollywood. The description for this video below reads: “Before he fought in the galactic battles of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Adam Driver was a United States Marine with 1/1 Weapons Company. He tells the story of how and why he became a Marine, the complex transition from soldier to civilian” 🤮 In truth, Adam’s journey wasn’t at all complex, it was as I assumed: contrived and self-congtratulatory with some retrospectively toned-down jingoism.
Aside from being a mountain-biking hero fighting for justice and liberty, Adam Driver is first and foremost an actor. And on that note, it’s a strange contemporary phenomenon for substandard-looking, non-character-acting pricks to ascend the Hollywood ladder of fame. Adam is most famous for starring in the Star Wars sequel trilogy alongside Daisy Ridley, the pair of them answering the question “what would it look like if Justin Long and Keira Knightly were less attractive?”.
Most of Adam Driver’s films have been forgettable (Logan Lucky, Paterson) or overrated (Star Wars, Marriage Story) or both. BlacKkKlansman was probably his best film but Driver wasn’t the contributing factor to that movie’s success. These days, even if an actor delivers a monotonous, monotone performance in every flick they appear in, as long as the film itself is watchable, the actor will also go on to be critically acclaimed. It’s assumed that someone is a good actor simply because they’re not a bad actor with the media praising anyone who isn’t wooden, but surely noticeable talent has to be present in order for someone to be declared gifted? It’s not enough that you’re not as bad an actor as Ruby Rose or Mike Weinberg, you have to have discernible skills in order to be worthy of praise. Similar to Benedict Cumberbatch and Anne Hathaway, Adam Driver is not only dull-looking, he hasn’t yet given us a standout performance. Driver’s acting range as far as I can tell, goes from sullen all the way to dejected which is apparently enough to warrant widespread acclamation.
Aside from his one-note acting, many fans will point to his “striking looks” but to me, Adam Driver looks like Joey Ramone with Proteus Syndrome; he is somehow noticeable but unremarkable at the same time. Like many people, I first saw him in the TV series Girls but alongside the saggy-hack Lena Dunham (who looks like Angela Merkel fucked Fat Nick) Adam Driver’s face didn’t look so strange. But now that Dunham and Driver are miles apart and Adam is on the big screen, his odd face (which looks like a ponce from the 17th century wearing a big-ears headband) is the only thing that stands out, not his unvarying yet overrated acting.
Get The Fuck Out Of The Driver’s Seat.