What Went Wrong With… Ant Middleton?

A caricature of Ant Middleton aka Anthony Middleton

Ant Middleton is an annoying motherfucker. This former soldier, unpaid Just For Men hair colourant model, and out-of-style midget lumberjack is now a television presenter and author (although the term “author” is probably attributed to him in the same way as Katie Price, Scarlett Moffatt, and Snooki). Basically, his books are “read” by knuckle-dragging, wannabe butch, Andy McNab or Duncan Falconer fans. Back to the topic of Ant’s television career, even though sniping foreigners and shooting a TV show are two completely different things, some ballbag at the faux-liberal, fake-alternative Channel 4 obviously can’t tell the difference. It’s quite telling that Channel 4 hired someone from the SBS to train people in a show called SAS: Who Dares Wins. I suppose the Naval Service and the Army are indistinguishable to the doormats who make throwaway militaristic TV.

God knows who thought it was a good idea to let a tight-top wearing tit with a hipster beard and David Beckham’s voice present television, I guess they were trying to entice a particular demographic. Of course, Anthony Middleton is adored by civilian cowards who would never sign up for the military but who lick the boots of anybody who has. Middleton is basically the kind of pumped-up prat who attracts daft bitches that get wet at the sight of a murderer in a beret. If this was Channel 4‘s target audience, I guess Ant was and is their man.

As a walking, talking, posturing advertisement for mainstream right-wing contrivances, Ant Middleton is of course a reactionary yet hollow mouthpiece for obvious causes and events. After the 2017 London Bridge attacks for example, he tweeted this ambiguous yet objectively macho (and don’t forget pointless) crap…

…missing the odd verb and attracting right-wing Islamophobes in one foul swoop (read the replies and stare into the depths of hell).

And surprise, surprise Ant is a supporter of Brexit too, once saying “A ‘no deal’ for our country would actually be a blessing in disguise. It would force us into hardship and suffering, which would re-unite us and bring us together, bringing back British values of loyalty and a sense of community. Extreme change is needed”. How fantastic; attributing a made-up sense of nationalism, some sham nostalgia, and even prolonged misery with leaving the EU. This is exactly the kind of disinformative crap the mainstream media loves to promote about leaving the European Union, but I digress.

Ant Middleton is the kind of muscle-bound grunt whose biggest achievement would be getting carried out of an aircraft carrier in a coffin draped in the Union Jack. Unbeknownst to him however, war is a racket and so is the incessant talk of heroism and patriotism from his fans. I guess it’s the epitome of heroic to be convicted of the unlawful wounding of one police officer and common assault upon a second. It’s ironic that these violent acts committed by a bearded moron are a fraction away from what a crap terrorist would do (although I doubt that Ant knows what fractions are and what irony means).

Known for grabbing a talk radio presenter by the neck, incidents like this (and this) just proves that violence is this simpleton’s forte and yet he is routinely allowed on mainstream television in order to be promoted as a heroic role model. As a guest of various breakfast TV programmes and crappy panel shows, not to mention reality shows including one about climbing Everest (how unique and original) it’s infuriating seeing this drab nobody on the telly. Looking like a gargoyle celebrating Movember and with the voice of a second place loser of a helium balloon-inhaling contest held in Essex, Anthony Middleton is an irritating twat who should never be on our TV unless it’s in a countdown show about the Top 10 Cunts In The UK.

Ant Spray.

20 replies »

    • I dont know how SAS personel present and past have any dealings with this thug. Has assaulted 2 Policmen and smashe up
      a civilain who criticised him

  1. You are pretty much bang on in most of the above up until you went off on a tangent with the aircraft carrier, UJ draped coffin thing.

    He is a laughing stock within the Unit that he was binned from. An unfortunate yet constant source of amusement/disbelief with the depths he will sink to to feed the public the shit they are swallowing whole.

    I was in the same unit for 20+ years and never came across the little toad. Thankfully.

  2. Indeed, that won’t happen amongst the unit, he isn’t even perceived as a decent blocks. The phrase ‘thunder cunt’ is banded about quite frequently.
    He has been disowned.

  3. So glad to find this article, I’ve just got around to watching “Mutiny” Spent the whole series trying to work out what was “Wrong” with him. Narcissistic self congratatory cunt, possible fantasist, maybe worse. “Just for men” comment made me snort with laughter, what a tit.

  4. Not a fan of Ant myself, but all the article proves is how jealous the writer is of his success ahah

    • Yeah, just look at all the films, albums, adverts, singers, actors, directors, models, royals, and TV presenters that I’m jealous of 🙄.

      I’d call you a knobhead or a wanker but in your eyes that would make me “jealous” of you too. FFS.

  5. Don’t get me wrong I liked him as a paper boy, but as a person I think he’s a C#nt, super C#nt, Turbo C#nt.
    Only joking Ant Lad. I Think you’re a Top Bloke.
    May I suggest a nom de plume for your books.
    John J Rambling

  6. Ant Spray, is that your real name? Keypad warrior, big man, ou I’m scared… So you think Ant Middleton is a twat. Well, that might be so, but that is television! I guess you, Ant Spray, was probably bullied at school and now you are getting back at the world by stringing long words together with your superior intellect. You absolute nob!

    • No, you absolute twat – “Ant Spray” is part of the article – given that it’s about a man named “Ant”. It’s like asking me if my name is “Share This Article”. 🙄 I’m not surprised however, that someone who thinks this polemic contains “long words” is simultaneously baffled by differing opinions and misses the point, which by the way isn’t for you or ANT Middleton to be “scared”, it’s to have a bit of a bloody laugh.

      Oh and by the way, you may think that because you’ve stuck a compound name and a terrible photo of you looking like a tosspot in ill-fitting stockings into your Gravatar profile, that you’re somehow not a “keypad warrior” but by typing your idiotic comment using a keyboard you’ve ironically ruined your own stance. Now bugger off you tit, and misinterpret shit somewhere the fuck else.

  7. I’m not sure where I stand on him. I’m sure he’s very experienced and decorated, and his records are valid. I’m certain we could all learn a lot from him, and that seems to be his brand, encouraging people to push themselves whatever your background. I intent to read some of his books. I’m also sure he’s quite ashamed of some of his assaults in his past, and his silly ramblings about coronavirus (when it emerged), that was stupid. I don’t find him particularly charming or likeable, and you make some valid points. One think I don’t like is how he goes on about being ‘cancelled’ supposedly, because Channel Four dropped him. I’m thinking some his comments about BLM were taken out of context (but it’s also possible he considers the movement ‘scum’), but he has so many tv/book/stage show opportunities yet he moans about the ‘wokies’ as if his career has been destroyed

  8. He is a self serving tit who was well on th e way to turning SAS/SBS into celebrity status. This has happened n USA where a commentator actually said Navy Seals Rock!!!!.

    Can you imagine that happening here. You dont hear of other SF talking about why they kill people or saying its the ones who they save that matters none of this “whats it like to kill a man”

    . IN the words of the Legendary John Mcleese: Job done.When hi s family found out about Operation NImrod,He just said
    ” Oh Cringe”His wife recognised him on the Princess Gate balcony by his LEGS!
    I dont know how BIlly Bingham ever worked with this TWAT.Billy Bingham would never talk about men he kas killed,NEVER NEVER on TV never even divulged any INFO on SAS training in his book

    Middleton is a fucking bully, corrupted by incipient fame and easy money.
    Other SF will now get tempted and he could well have affected the credos of the retired SF community. SAS.SBS head shed will have probably taken steps to stop this sort of “Cult of the SAS personailty”

    He wasnt even Fucking SAS when making the show.IN real life SAS would have given him the order of the boot pronto, if he had chosen SAS and not SBS after initial selection.
    He is now smarting down under as quest for money has been sorely curtailed by his offensive behaviour I thought he would of let leash violence down there but apparantly not.He is a thug who beats up peolpe in order to show how tough a 5′ 8″ man can be

    • surely 5’7 at tops. and that’s with him wearing his commanding officer’s 5 inch rubber stilettos
      Still, 5’7 is a very low centre of BS gravity.

  9. tiny tim. the wanker is very brave with a load of other tiny tim’s backing him up with weapons. he has never ran into a bunch of fella’s on his own. l’d bet my life on it.

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