Lil Pump, that rainbow-haired peddler of pish, today releases his sophomore album titled Harverd Dropout and I’m sure his fans will go crazy over it despite the LP lacking in every way possible. To anybody with a healthy tympanic membrane, Pump’s eponymous debut release sounded inferior and yet masses of people seemed to eat that shit up like coprophagous bugs. There was amateur production, mediocre lyricism, and a feeble delivery but nobody gave a toss so I doubt they’ll care that his latest album is equally as shoddy. Even if Lil Pump actually enrolled into Harvard and studied Creative Music and Advanced Music Performance, he’d still be subpar, and the dude just told us he dropped out so what does that make him? Sub-subpar? On the topic of the album’s name, it was supposed to be called “Harvard Dropout” but it’s is now spelled “Harverd Dropout” (to avoid getting sued) but that in itself has created an ironic title, looking as though Lil Pump can’t even spell. I suppose you could argue that Pump is dyslexic so the misspelling is apt, but the title to this pile of excrement was never supposed to be that deep – it’s just a moron who’s amassed millions of dollars bragging about his lack of education – and after listening to this album, Pumpy’s level of literacy and schooling becomes obvious.

Harverd Dropout was supposed to be released on August 17^th 2018 (which was Lil Pump’s 18^th birthday) however after his “I lost my album” performance on Twitter (stomping around in a Supreme incontinence diaper looking like a Trap-toddler) the release date was pushed back (in truth he probably didn’t want lacklustre sales by going against Ariana Grande‘s Sweetener). Now you’d think that by taking an extra few months to create his album, Lil Pump would have shined Harverd Dropout so that it’s flawless but alas, it seems you can’t polish a turd even in six months.

So let me be blunt: Harverd Dropout is shite so there’s no point going through the entire album track-by-track. There’s some awe-inspiring rhymes on this LP such as “reckless” and “necklace” in “Stripper Name” and “day” which Pump rhymes with err… “day” in “Be Like Me”🤦🏾. “Nuh Uh” sounds like someone with Tourette syndrome rapping over a car alarm (seriously, listen to it) and there’s also the annoyingly repetitious line “vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom” in the imaginatively-titled “Vroom Vroom Vroom” with Pump sounding like a kid playing with his Hot Wheels.

There’s a handful of songs featuring other rappers because with around 40 minutes to fill, Lil Pumpy-fuck can’t come up with that many lyrics… my, what talent he has. There’s the shitty Lil Wayne feature in “Be Like Me” in which Pump raps “I spent 2K on a white tee and 10K on my Gucci bedsheets” – fuck, they must have seen him coming – nobody wants to be like you, you twat. There’s also the terrible “I Love It” with its sampling of crappy jokes, autotune distortions and mediocre misogyny courtesy of Kanye Kardashian who raps “I like my dick sucked, I’ll buy you a sick truck, I’ll buy you some new tits, I’ll get you that nip-tuck”. But surely it’s the other way around, I mean doesn’t Kim K. make more money than Ye? Every time he eats her out she could buy his Trump-loving arse all the gaudy shit he desires, the sexist prick. And while on the subject of Kanye, If you recall, he was also a “college dropout” so I guess all higher education failures make shite music. But I digress.

If pushed, I’d say that “Racks On Racks” is the best track on this album but only because the melody reminds me of Drag-On’s “Spit These Bars”. But after seeing those star-spangled balaclavas and all the dull-looking white models in the music video, it makes me wanna go and listen to the Swizz Beatz joint, so I’ll include that too…

In terms of production, Harverd Dropout is basic and generic and whether it’s Diablo, CBMix, Thank You Fizzle, or Kanye West, all the beats are amateur-sounding. The synth on “Esskeetit” for instance, sounds like it was played by a parrot banging at the keys with its beak and the production in “Off White” and “Drop Out” sounds like the a demo from Fruityloops circa 1999. But, alongside Lil Pump’s lame vocals, the crappy sounds are the least of this LP’s worries and in some ways when bull meets shit they go together even though the whole thing stinks.

Fans get vexed when you criticise these new lames but that’s exactly what they are – lame – being new or young doesn’t cancel-out the fact that they’re abysmal. It’s not like we haven’t had bright, hollow, throwaway music in other eras. In the 1990s for instance, there were groups like Vengaboys and Aqua, but because they were obvious Pop musicians, people had the correct reaction to them (they admitted that their music was shit). These days, because Hip-Hop has slowly transformed into Pop music (without most fans admitting that fact) people have the wrong reaction to wack rappers. Lil Pump is just the modern equivalent of these aforementioned bubblegum popsters but because he’s got face tattoos and rides a Trap beat (and maybe because he’s an ethnic minority) people act like he’s cool. But there’s nothing credible about his music, it’s utter wank. He’s basically “Barbie Girl” for the twenty-tens.

With nothing new or original or memorable on this release, is it finally time that people see (or hear) Lil Pump as the mediocre artist he really is? I mean you can condense his entire catalogue of music into one line… “Percs, lean, prrr. Chains, bitches, ooh. Gucci, Rari, yeah. X, molly huh?”. Repeating the same word for what seems like eons, bragging about corny material shit… damn, is that all it takes to ink a reported $8 million record deal? If you’re the worst rapper in a song with French Montana, you must be a special kind of lame, and if Lil Yachty and Lil Uzi Vert flow better than you on your own track, it’s time to reassess your place in the Trash Rap food chain. Rapping non-stop cliches whilst looking like one, and talking about “bitches” when he wears his rainbow hair in bunches whilst in a pink fur coat, the biggest bitch here is Lil Pump. So let me end this review in a way that his fans will understand… this ooh album ooh is ooh garbage prrr.

Esskee-tit.