Every now and again a rapper pops-up on the scene, becomes popular and sets the bar so low that the next act would have to be paper-thin to get through. The latest one-dimensional contender to limbo under this ever-shrinking Hip-Pop bar is Kodak Black (real name Dieuson Octave) and with his trash-ass songs, his atrocious autotuned singing, not to mention his sub-par delivery and flow, it’s all so appalling that you wonder how bad this inarticulate bullshit can get before the next mumble rapper is completely incapable of rapping. I swear that at some point rappers will be physically propped-up by a codeine drip as they slobber onto the mic with their eyes shut, muttering an incoherent garbled wail into the mic. Kodak Black seems to be the first step in that direction.

As soon as the nonsensical and almost gibberish intro plays on his latest album, you just piss yourself with laughter, it’s like someone convinced the local yo-yo to get into the studio as a joke. Going off-beat (probably without noticing) and slurring his lines like a crack head with no teeth, Kodak is really stretching the definition of “Hip-Hop music”, in fact as soon as he lays a verse over a beat it ceases to be listenable. Most of his discography is filled with the same-same dopey delivery, routinely ruining decent beats like “Take One” with his comatose flow. The only time he’s ever switched his style up (“Could Of Been Different”) the end result sounded like he was off his tits on amphetamines. The best track he’s ever made is “Coolin And Booted” (or possibly the chorus to “Tunnel Vision”) but it’s all relative; Kodak’s best shit is everybody’s else’s worse shit and pound for pound, Kodak Black’s music is garbage.

Is it any wonder then, that everybody’s favourite lame Hip-Popper Drake called Kodak’s latest LP Dying To Live his “favourite [album] in the last five years”. Seriously? Did he miss Denzel Curry or D Double E’s releases? It must be cold in Toronto, so much so that maple syrup icicles are forming in Aubrey’s ears. There has been a long history of Drake giving props to Kodak Black (as well as other young artists) and most of the time it seems very self-serving, with his cosigns acting as a notice declaring “I’m not old, I’m down with the kids”. But I digress.

If you go to Wikipedia and read the entry on Kodak Black, specifically the “Legal Issues” section, you wonder how he’s still on the streets; he has multiple pending charges, and whether it’s drugs, guns, or sexual assault, he mysteriously remains a free man. With a long history of cliched “Hip-Hop” charges, maybe Black could benefit from being behind bars rather than spitting them (although he has been known to release music whilst locked up so even a stint in prison can’t shut him up).

It would be another thing entirely if Kodak Black looked good or dressed stylishly or had a personality, his fame would then make a bit of sense. So without sounding like anything special is he something impressive to look at? Nope. Kodak is one weird-looking dude, like Urkel fucked Gollum in a tattoo parlour. And yet he has the gall to rap “fuck you little ho, you ugly” (“Candy Paint”) he has even declared that he dislikes dark-skinned women! What a self-hating moron. I’m surprised he has any aesthetic preference for women at all, he’s no oil painting, and with a face like that he should be pleased with any shade or shape of gash he can get (although the only twat around here is Dieuson).

Can we please at some point put an end to this mainstream Hip-Hop decline? Not everybody with gold teeth, tattoos, and access to a vocal booth should be catapulted to stardom. This is not…

A Kodak Moment.