Caricatures

What Went Wrong With… And What Is Wrong With… Morrissey?

A caricature of Morrissey by What Went Wrong Or Right With...?

Morrissey is a perfect example of the need to separate the art from the artist. I’ll be the first to admit that despite wandering around the periphery of pretentiousness, The Smiths’ made some memorable, downbeat, melancholic rock. That being said, regardless of the fact that the group’s musical offerings are firmly embedded in the pantheon of classic rock, Morrissey’s political statements are slowly eroding the group’s once impenetrable veneer which has over the years distracted the public from the lead singer’s incessant bigotry. In recent years, there have been masses of people (fans or otherwise) slowly awaking to the fact that Morrissey is a prejudiced prick. But what these folk don’t seem to realise is that this unfortunate trait of his isn’t anything new, in fact he was always an irritating, racist cunt, he just used to look better (I say “better”, he was always a bit of a dog but now he’s a grey, wrinkly, portly dog).

When not twirling a bunch of dead flowers around his noggin like a mentally-deranged florist, Morrissey was spewing divisive, conspiratorial shite even in his heyday. In his 1988 interview in Melody Maker magazine, he denounced whole genres of black music saying “Reggae [for example] is to me the most racist music in the entire world. It’s an absolute total glorification of black supremacy… There is a line when defence of one’s race becomes an attack on another race”. He then began ranting against all modern black music whilst failing to criticise the equivalent white pop music of the day: “I don’t have very cast iron opinions on black music other than black modern music which I detest. I detest Stevie Wonder. I think Diana Ross is awful. I hate all those records in the Top 40 – Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston. I think they’re vile in the extreme”. He then said the most idiotic sentence in the whole interview; “Obviously to get on Top Of The Pops these days, one has to be, by law, black”. Whilst watching repeats of Top Of The Pops on BBC Four over the last few years, it’s been quite obvious that this statement is untrue. Mainstream music programmes always play hollow, catchy crap, but it’s rarely in favour of one particular demographic (unless of course we’re talking about MTV but their bias toward white acts would never be mentioned by the likes of Morrissey).

You could say that there’s no point in countering Morrissey’s statements because almost all of them are based on subjective feelings, ignoring of facts, and plenty of self-victimisation. But fuck it, I will anyway…

Take for instance his opinion on immigrants and immigration: “Although I don’t have anything against people from other countries, the higher the influx into England the more the British identity disappears”. What a tit, didn’t his family come to England from Ireland? Surely the identity of a country is constantly evolving and Britain has over the centuries been inhabited by nomads, Romans, Saxons, and Vikings, so which of these historical “identities” does he want eternised? And how convenient that the fucker never berates colonialism?

And what about his opinions on acid attacks: “London is second only to Bangladesh for acid attacks. All of the attacks are non-white, and so they cannot be truthfully addressed by the British government or the Met Police or the BBC because of political correctness.” Err… John Tomlin, Arthur Collins, Billy Midmore – all apparently non-white – what a bell-end.

There was also the occasion where he criticised Sadiq Khan for dropping his g’s despite Ken Livingstone having almost the same accent. And oh yes, he made a completely unneeded statement on Facebook after the Manchester Arena attack. Safe to say, almost everything that comes out of Morrissey’s mouth is odious rather than melodious.

With all the garbage that’s exited his gob from the 1980s onward, is it any wonder that he recently spoke in favour of the far-right party For Britain and defended ex-EDL Tommy Robinson and his so-called mistreatment? Vehemently siding with Israeli Zionism, staunchly defending the right whilst relishing in demonising the left seems to be a trend with old straight white men. I’d call Morrissey a “gammon” but the fucker is vegetarian so I guess he’s more of a nut roast. Moaning about animal cruelty with regards to halal meat but staying quiet about kosher meat just proves how biased and racist Morrissey is. When speaking about animal welfare, he even said “You can’t help but feel that the Chinese people are a sub-species”!

His one-sided, blinkered arguments are quite obviously racist but Morrissey is having none of it, famously saying; “When someone calls you racist, what they are saying is ‘hmm, you actually have a point, and I don’t know how to answer it, so perhaps if I distract you by calling you a bigot we’ll both forget how enlightened your comment was’”. Err, no, when someone calls you a racist, it’s because you said something racist you daft cum-stain. In fact the quote preceding this paragraph is the very definition of racism.

Due to a diminishing set of classic material but an overabundance of cunty quotes, Morrissey has been condensed to a selection of moronic statements of late. He has over recent years (even more so than the 1980s) become synonymous with bigoted soundbites and parallel to this decent his discography has also waned. What’s certain is that a musician’s work must be declining if they’re known more for their bigoted remarks than their lyricism.

Let’s be honest, The Smiths’ discography is a distant memory, these days Morrissey’s sellout solo tracks include the shite “Spent The Day In Bed” where he urges his listeners to “be good to yourself for once”. I recall that back in the day he sang “And when I’m lying in my bed I think about life, and I think about death, and neither one particularly appeals to me”. I guess these days there’s no more contemplation, introspection, or disillusionment as he lies sprawled on his orthopaedic mattress. His greatest lyrical pearl of wisdom today is to “stop watching the news” because it “contrives to frighten you” (even though most of his opinions seem to be formed by listening to the most biased, right-leaning news imaginable).

I will acknowledge that every now and again Steven Patrick Morrissey will say something that I agree with; for example he once said that the British Royal Family are “benefit scroungers and nothing else”, he even wore a “We Hate William and Kate” shirt. He has also called Donald Trump a “terrible, terrible scourge” and said about Band Aid that “Bob Geldof is a nauseating character. Band Aid was the most self-righteous platform ever in the history of popular music”. Yep, yeah, and yes. Quotes like these are few and far between however, most of the time Morrissey is spouting nonsensical hatred.

Sticking with that out-of-date quiff for almost half a century like a failed member of Mark Kermode’s skiffle band, Morrissey is slowly looking like he always sounded; vile. These days if he’s performing his song “Suedehead” the lyrics “Why do you come here? And why, why do you hang around?” would sound like it’s aimed at refugees. And if he were to sing “Miserable Lie” the line “Please stay with your own kind, and I’ll stay with mine” could sound very different than originally intended.

With a bunch of flowers tucked into his back pocket like a rent-boy’s bandanna and wearing a half-opened shirt like a sexual assault victim, given that his song “This Charming Man” may possibly have been about the blossoming of a gay relationship, his resorting to homosexual cliches in terms of dress was ironic to say the least. And given his viewpoint on immigrants and foreigners, the fact that the gladioli he once twirled around his head flourish in Asia and Africa was another case of incongruity. Shouldn’t he be swinging native British plants around his dome? (although a handful of bluebells and daisies wouldn’t have the same effect I suppose).

Since the 1980s are now four decades in the past, the gladioli he once brandished have not only wilted, they’ve died. Judging by his looks, Morrissey isn’t that far from being a defunct corpse of a singer. Just look at his glum expression these days; he’s no longer a cleverly depressed artist but rather a morose little git. With his weather-beaten face looking like the bow of an antique slave ship, this miserable, shrivelled twat is now a pointless and unwanted shell of his former self.

As the majority of his fans often beg people to do, you really have to separate Morrissey from his discography if you want to enjoy any of The Smiths’ songs. More generally, when it comes to celebrities and their art, I guess you have to exist in an oxymoronic state whereby you as a fan detach the prick from their product, loathing one but liking the other. With an ever-increasing selection of despicable stars alongside a sizeable amount of decent art, sadly this is the only way to consume music and film in the present day. So get yourself some “Shut Up Morrissey” merchandise and turn up the volume to “This Charming Man”. In fact it’s best to remember Morrissey in an idealised, romanticised, and completely inaccurate way. So whatever you do, don’t Google him, don’t read any of what he has to say, and definitely don’t look at any contemporary image of him or you, like him, will be saying to yourself…

Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now.

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4 replies »

  1. “I don’t have very cast iron opinions on black music other than black modern music which I detest. I detest Stevie Wonder. I think Diana Ross is awful. I hate all those records in the Top 40 – Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston. I think they’re vile in the extreme”.

    To the pit of fire you go.

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