What Went Wrong With… Jason Clarke?

An image of Jason Clarke looking dishevelled

Jason Clarke is a weird-looking actor. His dishevelled appearance and angular facial features are either distracting or just unappealing to look at. It’s not like he’s a brilliant character actor – he’s no Jeffrey Wright or Philip Seymor Hoffman for example – Jason Clarke is a middling performer, so why is he routinely cast in lead roles when he has all the looks and acting skills of a leering brickie?

Speaking of skilled labourers, Clarke’s father apparently worked as a sheep shearer. Now I don’t know what an actual sheep shearer looks like but if I was told to mentally picture one, I’d probably think of a bloke who looked not too dissimilar to Jason. To me, Clarke looks more like an on-set carpenter than a Hollywood actor, even his name is humdrum. “Jason Clarke” doesn’t exactly exude greatness.

Recently playing Senator Ted Kennedy in Chappaquiddick, I recall the makers of the movie saying how much he resembled JFK’s brother. To me, Jason Clarke looks like Ted Kennedy in the same way that Dara Ó Briain looks like James McAvoy, basically a fucked-up version of someone famous; a lame counterpart, a shit twin, a tribute-act at best.

Once starring in the C.I.A. propaganda-fest Zero Dark Thirty by Katherine “I Used To Make Decent Movies” Bigelow, I remember Jason’s character reciting lines from the Wu-Tang Clan. His character was so horrid and the actor beneath was equally unpleasant that I almost stomped on my copy of 36 Chambers.

Pretty much every film that Jason Clarke appears in is mediocre; White House Down, Public Enemies, Lawless, Winchester, the aforementioned Zero Dark Thirty, Baz “Garish And Gaudy” Luhrmann‘s The Great Gatsby, Everest, the appalling Terminator Genisys it’s all celluloidal shite. Aside from the lacklustre writing and direction, much of the boredom brought on whilst watching these films has to do with Clarke’s mundane looks and his bland performances. It’s quite perplexing why this walking moai is famous, I mean he has no star-quality at all, he’s more of a neutron star.

Looking like an industrial skip with a 5 o’clock shadow, Jason Clarke really shouldn’t be on the big screen, in fact he shouldn’t be on the little screen either. If he absolutely has to be in the vicinity of a screen, he should either be behind the screen or he should be fixing the screen; with a builder’s cleavage, sucking the air through his teeth and saying “this is gonna cost ya mate”. With his scruffy-arsed appearance, that would be the most believable role he could ever play.

A Jumped-up Clarke.

11 replies »

  1. Jason Clarke is sickening to look at and listen to. I saw the entire run of Brotherhood and literally fast forwarded every scene in which he spoke. He has an excruciatingly annoying nasal voice, and his face is also cringe-worthy. His acting ability is also nothing to write home about. One unbelievable thing is that i wanted to see 2 movies in the last month that looked interesting, one was a drama and once i realized he was in the movie i changed my mind and avoided it. He is now starring in Pet Semetary which was the scariest book ever written literally, so now I can’t see that either. The previous drama he was in actually preceded the new Pet Semetary movie so this moronic idiot of a no-talent “actor” is so popular he must have simultaneously filmed both movies or at least all within the same year. I guess the American public can’t get enough of him

  2. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. Even you. However your opinion is nothing but turds for the dung heap. So incredibly shallow are you that you focus completely on someone’s looks and not their abilities. Jason is proof that you dont need to look like Clooney to act better than him. Now continue with your shit work on your trash website. LOSER

    • Focus COMPLETELY on his looks?…

      “It’s not like he’s a brilliant character actor”
      “Jason Clarke is a middling performer”
      “Much of the boredom brought on whilst watching these films has to do with Clarke’s bland performances”
      “He has no star-quality at all”

      Get a grip, Jason Clarke isn’t a good actor AND he isn’t good looking. A famous performer can be either or both but not neither.

      I like the way you ignored my examples of Jeffrey Wright or Philip Seymor Hoffman, two actors who exude (or exuded) talent. Instead, your example of a good-looking/good actor is George Clooney? Almost 90% of Hollywood looks better than him and can act better.

      You do realise that when someone chooses to work in a visual medium, their appearance is also something that can be critiqued? An actor is a product, we pay to watch them on screen. A product therefore is open to criticism; both the packaging and the contents. Jason Clarke possesses neither quality to qualify him as a likeable product.

      So yes, opinions ARE like arseholes but yours has obviously prolapsed.

      Fucking moronic PRICK.

    • Fully agree….. he’s a very underrated actor…… versatile, I didn’t even know he was Australian…… I would not say that he is a brilliant actor but he’s certainly a very capable and excellent actor. And those films aforementioned Zero Dark Thirty, I thought he was excellent as Rinehart Heydrich in the film the man with a nine heart, he was very good playing Ted Kennedy in Chappaquiddick….. he is also that actor that you knew that you didn’t know a bit like Oscar Isaac, and I think he is a lot more capable than Oscar Isaac. So I fully agree with you the previous people are full of shit and just nasty just to say about somebody’s face or how they look I love your statement about arseholes I’m with you there buddy

    • Actors use their faces to act in the same way sculptors use their hands to sculpt; people aren’t “full of shit” if they criticise a workman’s tools. But hey, it’s great that you two numpties bonded over your misguided love of this dog-ugly, big-jawed, calcium-deposit-chinned “actor”.

    • I agree, he may not be George Clooney or Brad Pitt but I think her is a very good actor. I have seen several f his movies. He has mastered several American accents so well that I had to google him to see where is is actually from. No way in _ell would I ever think he was Austrailian. He doesn’t deserve all the unkind things said about him here.

  3. You are so right! I started watching a film starring this highly unattractive actor, and decided to Google “Jason Clarke is Ugly”… just to see what would pop up. Your diatribe hit the nail on the head! I couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s comforting to know that others share my opinion!

    • Like a lot of disaster movies, I found it lacking in thrills; in fact it was quite dull (I can’t remember it all that well, which is another indication of mediocrity). I also recall one of the mountaineers (who lived through it) saying the story was “total bull”. All in all, a below-average film.

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