Just take a listen to all the new mainstream rappers; Lil Pump, Lil Yachty, Lil Uzi Vert, Travis Scott, Cardi B. Notice how they all sound trash? Absolute shite every single one of them. Now of course there’s degrees of “shite” but all these aforementioned rappers are shitty nevertheless, ranging from skid marks to full-blown diarrhoea. Not so long ago, mainstream Hip-Hop was more constipated and the industry used to plop-out a turd rapper every so often which was preferable in retrospect. I recall a decent amount of space between the likes of Soulja Boy and Trinidad James for example (call it an intermittent discharge if you will). The positive aspect of having infrequent arrivals is that they didn’t collectively befoul the genre with their aural ordure, but unfortunately, those days are over.

It seems like we now have a conveyor belt of lames being produced somewhere. I can’t figure out where this factory is located; Georgia, Philadelphia, Florida, Texas, or New York, but somewhere in the US there’s a rich geneticist trying to create the worst rapper of all time or an executive is wagering another that he can sell the most inferior music to the public. Either that or it’s some kind of social experiment or psy-op to test whether people will buy literally anything promoted to them. One of these options has to be true because there can’t be any other explanation as to why the masses would stream or buy all this crap.

This brings me to Bhad Bhabie, a 15 year old who possesses not even a speck of talent. But, since having little or no skills isn’t an obstacle these days and because she rose to fame among a climate of amateurism, Bhabie is now a successful performer. A rapper who can’t rap would be unthinkable pre-2000 but now they’re commonplace and in this sea of garbage another piece of trash doesn’t matter, and it rarely gets noticed.

This issue surrounding Hip-Pop mediocrity isn’t even about mumbling any more and for once I don’t even care about cultural appropriation or “wiggerishness”. The fact that garbage rap now comes in different genders, ages, and ethnicities, what’s the point in mentioning demographics and aesthetics? These aforementioned “rappers” make such atrocious music that we might as well group all these shitsters together and label it “Trash Rap”.

Looking like an extra from The Florida Project or Hustle And Flow and with a voice that can only be described as Iggy Azalea with a cold being strangled with cheese wire, Bhad Bhabie is the epitome of substandard Trash Rap. If you’ve never heard of this creator of crud, here’s a video of her hit single “Gucci Flip Flops” (which I’ll point out went frigging gold)…

So why is Bhad Bhabie (real name Danielle Bregoli) famous? Well, apparently she was on Dr. Phil and became known for an almost unintelligible catchphrase (which makes perfect sense… not). Since I don’t watch trashy daytime television, this was news to me. I’d never heard of Danielle outside of her horrendous music, but now that I know her career path, it makes even less sense. Apparently these days you can be a guest on some crap TV show, utter a corny-sounding catchphrase and boom, you become a meme, the shit then goes viral and voila you’re famous. Skip to 3:25 in the following video to hear her amazing catchphrase “cash me outside, how ’bout dah?”…

For my UK readers, this situation is like a loud-mouth chav on The Jeremy Kyle Show becoming a famous singer after yelling “see you int car park later mate, I’ll knock ya spark out”. All of a sudden, they’re making music and it’s playing on Capital FM and B Young is featuring on one of their songs. Actually, the way in which we’re now accustomed to the creation of so-called celebrities, that actually sounds believable (which says something about the contemporary concept of fame). Hey, if Scarlett Moffatt can become a “celebrity” then I guess so can Bhad Bhabie.

When I watched the clip of Bhad Bhabie’s initial “catchphrase” on YouTube, I sat there wondering how it even became a video meme. She basically challenged Dr. Phil’s audience by declaring “catch me outside, how about that?” (although she said “cash me owside how bow dah” (as though someone had removed her frigging teeth). But I ask you; what’s so catchy about that? Or to put it in Bhabie’s accent… whosso cashy bout dah?

This single garbled line has for some unknown reason catapulted Bregoli to stardom. She’s since had a string of hit singles featuring fellow-trash rappers Lil Yachty and Ty Dolla $ign, and she has a YouTube channel where she reacts to other equally inane shit and gives beauty tips despite sporting a shaved widow’s peak on her Dr. Phil appearance. Fame and popularity makes perfect sense in 2018 doesn’t it?

Basically Bhad Bhabie doesn’t sound good and she doesn’t look good either. She has no charisma, no talent, and her music isn’t catchy but despite all that she’s famous. Let that sink in… someone with no gift is known worldwide… someone so devoid of personality and star-quality is a star. What the actual fuck? When people ask the question of why Bhad Bhabie is famous, I’ve read some daft responses. I’ve seen people online say that she’s a better rapper than Woah Vicky (an equally shitty “internet sensation” and “rapper”) so somehow we should give her a pass. To me that’s like saying Jeffrey Dahmer ate less people than Albert Fish so we should respect him, in fact it’s a downright stupid justification and distraction to the issue of Bhad Bhabie’s undeserved fame and fortune. Pointless whataboutism isn’t an acceptable response to whythefuckisshefamous?

Looking like Kathy Griffin impersonating Ariana Grande with OraPlugs still in her gob after dental surgery, Bhad Bhabie is a disgrace to music, the internet, and to the concept of celebrity. This faux-rap, hip-hop-heaux needs to geux.

Bhad Flow, Bhad Delivery, Bhad Lyrics, Bhad Everything.