What Went Wrong With… Post Malone?

An image of Post Malone with a doltish expression thinking about a Bentley

Remember when Riff Raff showed up on the scene wearing cornrows and gold teeth? He looked like a culture-appropriating joke; part caricature, part racist stereotype, the whole look was embarrassing to say the least. A white artist trying oh so hard to look “black” is embarrassing enough but judging by his finished “look”, the only black people Riff Raff knew were corny, media-made rap cliches. Flash forward a few years and out popped Post Malone, a singer-slash-rapper whose look was not too dissimilar to Riff Raff’s; cornrows… check, gold teeth… check, tattoos… check, shit music… check. Back when Malone’s “White Iverson” was playing everywhere on the radio, I found myself once again dumbfounded, why were people buying into someone who was quite clearly devoid of talent and who had all the looks of a frayed hessian sack?

Malone, a bastard child of Paul Wall and Jared Leto’s character in Panic Room, today releases his second album Beerbongs & Bentleys, a title that mentions two of the most cliched and contrived objects in the world of rap; an overpriced automobile that went out of style when the noughties ended and every college jock’s favourite drinking implement. This title sums up Post Malone perfectly; gaudy, out of touch, sporting a wannabe urban facade but white through and through.

Post’s vocal style too is fast becoming out of date, with his average voice masked by an autotuned camouflage, singing mundane trash over monotonous production. Hell, even the man’s name is contrived, since he selected his moniker using a rap-name generator (just like that lame Donald Glover’s chosen stage name “Childish Gambino”). If you need to use a website to figure out what to call yourself, you know you’re no artistic genius, and yet these derivative cornballs are signed and allowed to record so-called artistic works.

At this point in his career, I guess it no longer matters that his original look and style was that of a culture vulture (an amalgamation of black Hip-Hop fashion and sound with a smattering of superficial Rock aesthetics) at this point what’s astonishing is that the public is still buying into this purveyor of pish.

Over a year after his Stoney album was inflicted on the world and that garbage track “White Iverson” blew up, Post Malone has yet to make anything other than Hip-Pop filler. He makes music that fans of mediocrity jump on but after the initial hysteria, it’s nothing that’ll stand the test of time. And yet despite making some of the most obvious and hackneyed Hip-Hop around, Malone had something to say about the genre in which he works. This walking, talking, performing joke had the gall to say that Hip-Hop is devoid of “real shit” adding that “If you’re looking for lyrics, if you’re looking to cry, if you’re looking to think about life, don’t listen to Hip Hop”. The irony of this is that Malone adds not even an ounce of “real shit” to the genre, he apparently prefers to listen to Bob Dylan, but he himself is more Bob The Builder with his basic bullshit.

Looking like a homeless A$AP Yams impersonator, I guess Post is visually Dylanesque rather than lyrically. I suppose looking unkempt is all part of being a wannabe credible performer, forget content and emotion, all you have to do is look as though you haven’t showered in a month and the talent will begin to exude from your pores (as well as B.O.). Let’s not forget that in the ironically titled “Rockstar” Malone sang “I’ve been fuckin’ hoes and poppin’ pillies, man, I feel just like a rockstar. All my brothers got that gas and they always be smokin’ like a Rasta”. How clever. Apparently banging bitches and getting doped-up is all it takes to be a Rock star and the only aspect of Rastafarian culture he’s aware of is smoking marijuana. My, how much depth and meaning he puts into his tracks… not. With song titles like “Go Flex”, “Same Bitches”, and “Candy Paint”, Post Malone is hardly challenging the stereotypes of Hip-Pop, and with his grill and tattooed appearance he’s hardly breaking new ground in fashion either, so what was the point of his idiotic outburst?

Looking like a sprouted potato with some pubes glued to it, Post Malone is an embarrassment to the eyes and ears. Like Earl Sweatshirt once said; who let this slide? Hopefully people stop listening to his shit music so in the future there’s a period of Hip-Hop that we refer to as…

Post Malone.

14 replies »

  1. Earl Sweatshirt has a right to criticize Post Malone . But Earl should remember that he’s no K-Rino himself . I can remember listening to early work from The Odd Future Collective , Black Hippy , Macklemore and Donald Glover / Childish Gambino that was posted on Dustin Kava’s old Juggalo Underground Blog . Back from 2006 to 2010 . At the time I remember pirating their albums through Media Fire , Pirate Bay torrents and Mega Upload . I thought that Macklemore and Kendrick’s crew could spit a little bit . Glover and all the members of Odd Future (except for Earl , Casey and Vince) were awful .

    Now 8 plus years later all of those guys have blown up hugely . Especially Kendrick Lamar . Post Malone isn’t too far off from some of the whacker stuff members of Odd Future or Glover were doing back then . They were doing early mumble rap and early teribble cloud rap stuff . Wanting to sing instead of spit bars . Bragging on drug and alcohol abuse . Sounding like a whack combination of Eyedea , Goodie Mob and Lil Wayne (Eyedea was a great underrated rapper that these hipsters took from and Goodie Mob had talent in the 90’s) . Things have gotten much worse and when the mainstream legends let them slide back then it gave rise to the likes of the Post Malones of today . Nas didn’t say anything . Neither did Jay-Z , Ice Cube , GZA , Ghost Face , RZA , Black Thought , 50 Cent , Fat Joe or Uncle Marshall .

    Now that Cardi B and Post Malone are mainstream hip how’s flag bearers we must divorce ourselves from the mainstream hip hop youth culture . We are grown adults and we can’t be concerned about what a 5 year old or even a 15 year old listens to .

    That lunk-head Earl needs to sober up and act like a grown man now . It’s reassuring to see him work with Apollo Brown’s Mello Music Group .

    I hope and pray that Post Malone will smarten up as he gets older . I think we would both be fools though if we get our hopes up . Do you really see Post doing hooks and choruses for Vinnie Paz , Andy Mineo , Hopsin , Apathy , Kool G Rap , I’ll Bill or Chino XL in 5 years time ?? In a perfect world I would hope that that would be the case . But we don’t live in a perfect world .

  2. I forgot to say Rest In Paradise to Eyedea . Instead of listening to Post Malone via streaming or on YouTube I wish the kids were more musically curious and that they would check out some the great stuff Eyedea did with DJ Abilities . The only good thing I can say about Post Malone is that – at the very least – he pays tribute to one legend . That legend being Stone Cold Steve Austin .

  3. I should mention that there is some hope for Post Malone . My reasoning for that is because Paul Wall went on to work with Vinnie Paz and K-Rino . Eamon went on to work with Vinnie , as well . Sorry for the lengthy rant . Post Malone is a very interesting figure . He is quite young and for now we can only speculate on his future musical endeavours .

  4. Yeah , maybe . But hip hop is full of hackneyed clothing styles and cliches . Always has been . Remember how Ras Kass dressed in the video for “Ghetto Fabolous” , how Black Sheep dressed in 1989 , how JJ Fad dressed in 1987 or how Canibus dressed on the cover of his debut album . The guy is only turning 23 this year . He could end up going the Paul Wall or Eamon route . As a 30 year old man I don’t think it suites me well to be listening to a pop rap artist like Post Malone . He has some promise if he can work with legitimate hip hop artists doing hooks and choruses . I don’t want him to end up like Nicki Minaj . An artist who had some talent 10 plus years ago and then gave in to her greed .

    • That was Ras Kass’ “sellout” period though, he dressed fine during his first LP. Same goes for Nicki Minaj. Musicians slowly turn contrived but in the case of Post Malone, he came right out looking fake. The good thing about that is that at least he didn’t sell out, he was always overtly mainstream Hip-Pop (but it’s unoriginal nevertheless).

  5. I meant how Bis dressed in the CD album jacket and other promotional materials / posters for his debut album . When you think about it wasn’t ODB a bit Post Malone like fifteen plus years ago . I never saw him as a legitimate rapper even when I was 10 years old and his crew’s second album came out . ODB was the Godfather of mumble rap and cloud rap . Or at least one of the Godfathers of it . ODB is now considered a legend by most and a top tier lyricist by some . On par with Rakim , Z-Ro , Kool G Rap , Ras Kass or OC . Post Malone is a 2018 white boy version of ODB . Rest in Paradise to ODB .

    • I don’t think people think Ol’ Dirty (lyrically) is in the same league as G Rap and Rakim. The point about him however, is that he was original; his lyrical content, flow, delivery, there was nobody else like him. You could argue that Biz Markie was a precursor to ODB, but again he was original alongside other 80s rappers. That’s what separates these MCs from contemporary rappers and Mumble Rap, which has turned into a bonafide sub-genre because rappers are so quick to imitate these days. Back in the 1990s where were all the ODB clones? Dirty had the balls to sound different in a time of lyrical Hip-Hop, he slurred his speech when rappers sounded clear. It doesn’t take much to dumb-down your flow when everybody’s doing it, that’s the big difference between rappers today and those in the golden era.

  6. I stopped following the likes of h3h3 Productions and 88rising because they keep supporting rappers like these…

    so much mediocrity and sellouts from all mainstream Youtube channels lately

  7. Post Malone has to be some of the most bland shit I’ve ever heard, not even aggressively bad, just fucking boring autotune nonsense.

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