What Went Wrong With… And What Is Wrong With… P.E. Teachers?

A cartoon illustration of a fat P.E. Teacher blowing a whistle. By What Went Wrong Or Right With...? for

If Maths teachers constantly shouted at and belittled their students, would they keep their job? So why do Physical Education teachers get away with it? From my experience as a young child and then later as a teenager, every single P.E. teacher that I came across was woefully unqualified for the position they held; they were hardly versed in the intricacies of sports tactics, they didn’t know much about human biology, and most of them were overweight grunts – bulldog-looking motherfuckers who revelled in the tyrannical role they held.

If an English teacher spoke with poor grammar, would they be allowed to teach? So why do Physical Education teachers get to yell at their students about the merits of exercise but they themselves are hardly physical specimens? It looks like the only time they exercise is when they’re lifting a meat pie up to their wide gob. “Do as I say, not as I do” is the unspoken motto of Phys. Ed. I guess.

Now of course I’m just speaking from personal experience, there are (or must be) P.E. teachers who are athletic, scientifically, and physically qualified to teach sports, but every single year from Primary School to High School, my P.E. teachers were all overweight (their excuse was that they had a “rugby build” – yeah right). Every single twat who tried to teach me P.E. possessed no skill at convincing children to be active, unless of course their physical appearance was a deterrent from being lazy, who knows? Each and every one of them seemed to relish jeering at the “weaker” kids. They seemed to be more obsessed with strictly enforcing uniform and showering policies than encouraging and motivating their students to excel at sports, they were more like Nazi nonces than sports scholars.

It’s a strange thing that someone more qualified to be a drill sergeant or a professional beer-belly model is allowed to educate children at a subject they have no talent in teaching. There were a few sports that I enjoyed as a kid but under these rotund, balding pricks dressed in XXL tracksuits, the only thing I improved in was writing excuse letters. It was less of a P.E. lesson and more of a creative writing course.

Physical Encumbrance.

7 replies »

  1. Have no idea what ‘wouldthat wouldthat’ is harping on about. Is this person a PE teacher? Must have hit a nerve.
    Some advice… don’t take it out on the kids just because you didn’t get picked for the local football team and you never got to play for England.
    Going back to the topic in question I wasn’t encouraged by my PE teachers even though I aced in Badminton and Long Jump. They were bullies and hated the weaker kids, especially the ones who couldn’t afford the standard kit because their families were living off a shoestring.
    Brrr bad memories….
    I thought it was just my school back in the day, good to know others were treated like shit too lol.
    Loved the article ♥

  2. To be fair, my PE teachers were alright, although I hated the runs across the field. But to sorry to hear that your PE teachers were that way.

  3. You will be pleased to know your issue with PE teachers is mirrored in Australia. Every. Single. One. of my PE teachers from primary school to high school were sociopaths. They were either hard faced leather skinned short (for some reason) women who made you feel like an incomplete human being because you were not physically co-ordinated or men with bods the high school girls were all stupid over. One favourite in my high school who was a useless teacher and only there for, you guessed it, the teenage girls, became a cult leader. No kidding. He was useless at that too.

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