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What Went Wrong With… The Kardashians?

What Went Wrong With... The Kardashians? An image of a hydra to symbolize the Kardashian family by whatwentwrongwith.comDuring the late nineties when reality shows like “Big Brother” and “Pop Idol” increased in popularity, members of the public began saying “I want to be famous for nothing” rather than “I want to be the best at something” and this desire for undeserved fame slowly supplanted the honing of talent. Thanks to the encouragement of this behaviour during the noughties and teenies, many people are now fame-hungry and celebrity-obsessed. They ignore artistry and creativity and instead they seem content to consume crap, fawn over fuckwits, and cower to cunts. The biggest of these cuntlings has to be the Kardashian family, in fact the Kardashians are a perfect example of how hollow the entertainment business and how meaningless the concept of celebrity has become. Collectively, the Kardashians are the biggest, most annoying “famous” people in show business and it’s astonishing that such a large proportion of the public watch their reality shows and follow them on social media. And yet if you accost one of their fans without giving them the time to pre-think an answer, they can’t say for sure what it is they like about them, not to mention the reason they’re famous. Why idolise someone who makes nothing, does nothing, or says nothing special? Have the masses gone insane?

The Kardashians are the personification of talentlessness and it seems to me that they’re a fake-celebrity sideshow intended to distract the public from more important people, events, and issues. If you don’t know who the Kardashians are, I’ll go through them…

Firstly there’s the ex-wife of a dead lawyer who now bangs men half her age, then there’s her second husband an alleged transexual who still has his male genitals, and thanks to his male genitals they have two daughters; one with big lips and one with no hips. The one with big lips does fuck all but pout for selfies, and the one with no hips struts about trying to be a catwalk model despite being average in the looks department.

From her first marriage, this mouldy matriarch is also responsible for unleashing her other, more older daughters onto the world; there’s the tall one, the short one, and the one who made a sex tape despite giving the worst blow-job ever to be filmed. And let’s not forget her overweight son who was apparently too depressed to show his fat frame to the public, but since hooking-up with the ex-stripper Blac Chyna he is now totally fine with wearing t-shirts that highlight his man-boobs and baseball hats that don’t quite fit his huge noggin.

…Other than these physical descriptions, what else can I say? What do these dicks do? What do these morons make? Yes there’s the “fashion store” Dash, but have you seen that website? It’s like some rich prick’s side-project or some shell company used to cover-up the fact they have no skills.

The Kardashian family’s fame began with the reality show “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” and despite this programme being devoid of entertainment, it was followed with a few spin-off shows like “Kourtney And Kim Take Miami”, “Kourtney And Kim Take New York”, “Kourtney And Khloe Take The Hamptons”, and perhaps “Khloe & Lamar Go To Intensive Care” just in case you missed one millisecond of these numpty’s lives. Channels like E! Entertainment are now devoted to marketing these worms 24/7, watch E! News for instance and note how many times they mention the Kardashians. If you play a drinking game where you take a Tequila shot every time Maria Menounos or Jason Kennedy say the word “Kardashian” you’d be off your tits by the end of the show.

Every pissing day E! News has some pointless piece focussing on the Kardashians’ non-antics, they report daily on these prats despite them not doing or achieving anything worthwhile each and every day. Even when real news breaks and a celebrity like Prince dies it doesn’t take long for these kiss-arses to move on from actual news to reporting on these arseholes; look Kim’s on Snapchat showing off her post-baby blubber… Kourtney’s been spotted leaving a restaurant alone and looking miserable… Khloe’s tweeting something contrived about her love for Lamar… Kris is somewhere hanging onto her first married name… Kylie’s lips have increased by a millimetre… and Rob’s been seen fake-exercising whilst holding a burger and leering over Blac Chyna as they ponder baby names beginning with the letter “K” …that’s all you’ll hear, non-story after non-story. I’d love to know what people find interesting or enthralling about this bunch of wankers and the shear pointlessness that surrounds their everyday lives. It’s like watching black hair-dye dry.

Outside of their controlled reality show, other sectors of the media also seem to incessantly market these imbeciles. Even in the TV Drama “American Crime Story: The People Vs. OJ Simpson”, they added the Kardashian kids as characters despite their scenes having no bearing on the plot, proving that almost every person in showbiz is in a mad dash to promote these talentless nobodies. It makes you wonder what their agenda is, why are we being encouraged to like these knobheads?

Speaking of knobheads, the Kardashians’ faces have slowly changed over the years, this might be thanks to plastic surgery; from lip-fillers to butt-boosters. If they carry on this way it won’t be long before the Kardashians resemble the Cardassians, their fucked up yet expressionless faces are almost there, one more facial implant and they’ll look like Natima Lang or Gul Dukat. In a few years you won’t realise when you’ve misspelled “Kardashian” in Google image search even when you’re confronted with images from Star Trek.

Back in 2007, all we had to contend with was the mother, her four kids, and their step-father, but now that Kendall and Kylie have grown older the public have two more Kardashians to obsess over. With further sprogs in the works, it’s only a matter of time before we have Kardashian: The Next Generation polluting the world of fame and celebrity. In that respect, the Kardashians are actually more like the Lernaean Hydra, if one of their heads were to be metaphorically chopped off, two more would grow in their place. So for the time being there really is no getting rid of these monstrosities, especially with a bunch of door-mats constantly following and bigging them up. But with no talent, no skills, and no creativity to their collective name, at some point in the future they’ll fade into obscurity. You can’t build a lasting empire on something this weak.

House Of Kards.

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2 replies »

  1. I couldn’t agree with you more. The Kardashians are talentless bitches. They are everything wrong with TV. They are famous, but do absolutely nothing, have no personality and are uninteresting and unlikeable.
    What do people see in this family?

    This Kardashian-style Reality TV has infected Hip Hop culture. If there ever was a Hip Hop equivalent of Kim Kardashian, DJ Khaled would be it. He is the most useless guy in Hip Hop. What does he do? He doesn’t rap or sing. He rarely produces his songs. All he does is shout his name and say basic shit. He is that student in a group project who does nothing, but gets all the credit. I blame Dr Dre for this! When you have people write your lyrics or help you make beats, DJ Khaled is the end result.

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