Remember when Jonathan Ross was kind of cool? Back in the nineties, he used to wear bright zoot suits, acted a bit anarchic, and his Channel X shows “The Last Resort”, “One Hour With Jonathan Ross”, and “Saturday Zoo” were some of the best shows on Channel 4. Then at some point in the mid-to-late nineties, both Channel 4 and Jonathan Ross began a downward spiral, and as the channel slowly sold-out its original concept for money; so too did Jonathan Ross. Today all that is left of the once hip presenter is a drab, middle-aged, constantly giggling, shell of a man. But for some strange and unfathomable reason this now tired and worn-out rhotacist is sold to the public as the “King of talk shows” and he is now more famous than ever before.

In the late nineties and early noughties, Jonathan Ross’ celebrity status began to grow, and as he became evermore overexposed, he left a trail of televisual boredom in his wake. Everywhere you turned to or tuned in to during the noughties, there was “Wossy” transforming shows like Barry Norman’s “Film Programme” into a soulless and stark snorefest. Every year you could catch him presenting the Comedy Awards (despite not being funny in years) and every Friday night you could witness his overpaid mediocrity in his tedious BBC show “Friday Night With Jonathan Ross”.

So caught up in his own self-worth at the time, Ross began to associate himself with the scrawny turd Russell Brand, and the pair left the weirdest phone messages for Andrew Sachs as part of a “comedy segment” on Brand’s Radio 2 Show. With the two twats acting like giggling schoolgirls thinking their weak prank was somehow the funniest thing in the history of radio; the pair were eventually sacked from the BBC. Even to this day Jonathan Ross revels in his association with Russell Brand. He acts like this event somehow gives him credibility, and even though Brand is obviously a sham rebel comedian, and isn’t remotely cool or representative of counter-culture; Ross at every opportunity brings up the lame gag he and Brand both took part in like the out-of-touch, sell-out he’s become. Thankfully this whole debacle led to Russell Brand (at least for a short time) pissing off to Yankville, and Ross’ crap chat show was eventually given to the slightly better and slightly funnier Graham Norton.

Though slightly simmered down in recent years, Jonathan Ross is still producing televisual shite; he’s still presenting the “Comedy Awards”, and instead of his dull BBC show we now have his dull as dishwater “The Jonathan Ross Show” on ITV. It seems that crap never really disappears, it only changes shape, and on the centre-right, middle-England-representing ITV; Ross is now more mundane than ever before. Sat there amidst a tacky set, following on from Mark “Wack As Fuck” Ronson’s humdrum theme tune, interviewing Graham Norton’s reject guests, trying hard to market his middle-of-the-road bullshit to the public; it’s obvious that Jonathan Ross is not the “King of talk shows”. He hasn’t made anything worth watching for twenty years.

Weally Weally Unwemarkable.