From the opening scene of the Girls pilot episode, with Lena Dunham’s character Hannah Horvath gobbling down pasta like a deranged leach, we are introduced to the beige and banal world of the white, upper-middle-class, twenty-something New Yorker. With art almost imitating life, Hannah the wannabe writer sits across from her Professor parents at a restaurant table, and begins arguing about how she should be bankrolled by them for a little longer. With no job, and with her parental purse-strings being cut, Hannah spurts the idiotic line “I am [busy] trying to become who I am” (which makes even less sense when you read it out) and yet astonishingly this kind of nonsensical gibberish has attracted enough backing for five seasons of this mundane and poorly written show.

Lena Dunham is no John Hughes, she isn’t even a Larry David. Nothing Dunham writes comes close to a line like “screws fall out all the time, the world’s an imperfect place”, instead this hack writes shite like “I’m eating grapes as a snack”… great writing Lena, which prick eats grapes as a meal? This mediocre writing masquerading as natty is then edited down to a handful of sound-bites taken from an entire season to showcase Dunham’s supposed talent. So we have idents on TV with the character Adam saying racist shit like “you look like a Mexican teenager” or Hannah saying “I’m an individual and I feel how I feel when I feel it”. And yet even out of context (or in context for that matter) these lines are flaccid, meaningless, and ultimately pointless. How surprising then, that this kind of mediocrity attracted the similarly overrated so-called comedy writer and producer Judd Apatow. With these two hacks bootlicking each other for the past few years, the ruination of contemporary comedy is now quite apparent, and with crap like “Tiny Furniture”, “Girls”, “Knocked Up” and “This Is 40”, both these drab dorks are to blame for the destruction of mainstream comedy and drama. But I digress, back to the show itself.

With an acoustic guitar strumming in the background making an already mediocre show seem even more dull and depressing, the typical Girls viewer has a choice to make; either nod off or cancel your cable subscription. For if you persist in watching an entire episode (or God-forbid an entire season) of Girls; you’ll find yourself so filled with hatred that you’ll want to attack the first white New York hipster you come across.

Girls is the kind of show that wishes it was current. You’ll find characters gibbering on about Facebook and texting like someone on the wrong side of twenty trying to be relevant and in vogue (but failing miserably). Against all these faux-modern contrivances there is a distinct lack of plot, and an entire show can pass by without the cast achieving anything. In fact Girls is like a strange televisual temporal illusion where half an hour feels like a lifetime. You can watch an entire 35 minute episode and as the credits roll, you’ll realise that nothing remotely interesting has happened and weirdly you’re no further along in the storyline. God only knows what’s supposed to be entertaining about a group of middle-class plain-looking women moping about through their uneventful lives. OMG, she’s going through a break up, how so interesting… not.

With all her pudgy flesh constantly on show, Lena tries every contrived tactic in an attempt to appear edgy, from riding her black boyfriend to eating a cupcake in the bath with her female friend Marnie. Wow, naked overweight interracial sex and nearly-nude girl-girl non-frolicking, how contemporary and different. Dunham seems to have delved into her bag of narrative tricks and pulled out everything. Oh look, she’s helping Adam piss into a bedpan; how awkward, and now look, she’s got her saggy tits out, and she said “cum” and “eat you out” for the umpteenth time; how avant-garde and original for HBO. Aside from seeing Lena’s tits and arse and aside from the occasional wannabe witty line, there is literally nothing going on. The lead character is fat, the plot is thin, the conversation is dull, and the characters themselves are some of the weirdest, most lopsided looking faces this side of a circus mirror. Girls is like watching a hedonist orgy, it may look like something interesting is going on, but look closely and you’ll see that the heaving pile of drooping hideousness is repetitive and unimpressive.

More entertaining than Girls, is Lena herself. You can find her pratting about on various red carpets resembling a toilet-roll doll cover with wonky hair, trying to make some ironic statement about how a plain chubby woman can somehow fit into a floral outfit two sizes too small. With her trussed-up tits packed into an unsightly dress like some Dinner-lady wrapped in twine, she usually looks like a psychotic Nurse who keeps scrap-books of her victims wandering around on Day Release. Catch Dunham at any public appearance and a quick glimpse of her is more entertaining than all the episodes of Girls put together.

With four seasons (so far) of pure unadulterated crapiness to her name, Lena Dunham for some unknown reason is still described by the media as the “voice of a generation”. If that’s true, then I guess everyone in their late twenties is an irritating, overrated, over-privileged twat.

Over Dun.