With the majority of the singles having already been released during the last few months, it isn’t hard to piece 50 Cent’s upcoming album together. And whether he decides to add an extra track here or there, or toys with idea of re-arranging the tracklist; “Animal Ambition” will remain one of the worst albums in contemporary Hip-Hop.
With his slurred nonchalant vocals and contrived lyrics, 50 Cent is definitely one of the main rappers responsible for destroying the Hip-Hop genre. Anybody who remembers the travesties that were “Candy Shop” and “Ayo Technology” will agree that when discussing the ruination of the genre; 50 Cent’s name will definitely be up there in the Top 10. “Animal Ambition” on the other hand, will never reach the Top 10 of anything.
This slack and amateurish album opens with the flaccid song “Hold On”, a track with a mellow choir sample and 50 Cent’s now standard spiritless delivery. But by including horribly tired lyrics like “Gold Medal ’round my neck like I won the Olympics” and also a horrendous singing chorus; the opener makes the listener want to switch off right then and there.
If you resist yanking out the power cable, the second track is “Don’t Worry Bout It” which features Yo Gotti and an annoyingly repetitive echoing synth. This track is littered with more tacky lyrics such as “my closet filled with that fly shit, black card when I buy shit”. It’s almost as if 50 wishes it was still the noughties, if you need proof just peep the acquisitive chorus…
“don’t worry about how I get my money, bitch just know I get my money
don’t worry about how I spend my money, boy I got a lot
don’t worry about that car I drive, don’t worry about that bike I ride
don’t worry about them diamonds and the bezel on my watch”
I mean, if it wasn’t for the quick Instagram reference in this track, you’d swear it was 2003. Now that would be something to worry ’bout.
Next is the title track “Animal Ambition” which features some confused production complete with seventies funk, low pitch vocals, roars, elephant noises, and some strange yelps. 50 Cent, oblivious to the fact that New York Hip-Hop is currently making a comeback, tries to put on a southern accent on this track, and coupled with the clichéd “Eye Of The Tiger” lyric, “Animal Ambition” makes a great job, not of showing 50’s range; but instead his age.
Being a star of the noughties, it seems that 50 Cent just can’t help travelling back to that gaudy decade at every opportunity he gleans. With the track “Pilot” he whips out some of the worst Hip-Hop contrivances since his 2005 “Bulletproof” game. Just check out this hook..
“me I’m like a Pilot, G5 Jet I’m fly shit, you cannot deny it…
…bitches be on my dick, Designer threads I’m fly shit, you cannot deny it”
With the horridly Hip-Pop-ish utterance of “Oh no, no no no no” every two seconds, “Pilot” has to be the worst track on the album so far. But wait, the next half of the album sets a new record in sounding out-of-style and shitty.
“Smoke” is an auto-tuned crapfest courtesy of Trey “Lame” Songz who sounds like the bastard child of Chris Brown and Justin Timberlake. With its out of date synths and with 50 saying shit like “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy” (c’mon Curtis; it’s 2014 for fucks sake!) listening to “Smoke” makes you feel like you were in some kind of throwback hallucination.
After this comes “Every Time I Come Around” which features more wannabe singing and yet more accent fakery. And don’t worry, the crappy lyrics are still on show…
“…That Hard White, I Flip That…”
“…Diamonds On Me, I Flash That…”
“…My Stocks Run Across NASDAQ…”
It’s at this point in the album that you realise there won’t be anything worth re-listening to, just a lot of noughties-sounding contrived crap.
The next joint is “Irregular Heartbeat”, an ironic title since this flat-ass album is enough to put anybody’s heart into bradycardia. And after this quiet, whispering trash, comes the track “Hustler” which with its messy organ, sounds so dire that it will make you wanna break your fucking SMS headphones. With 50 squealing “I’m A Hustler Baby” in this shitty song, it baffles the mind figuring out what part of investing in Vitamin Water makes him a fucking hustler? 50 Cent needs to take a look at his Reebok and Right Guard deals and wake up to the fact that he’s no longer street and no longer relevant (if in fact he ever was).
Back to the album, if you ignore the next two embarrassingly cringe-enducing tracks “Twisted” and “Winner Circle” which are both sugar-frosted Pop Tracks from Diabetic Hell; the final song “Chase The Paper” which sounds like someone leaning on the keys of a church organ (probably because they fell asleep from listening to this album) is possibly the worst. With 50 spitting bullshit like “I’m still a rida… you chase the ho’s, I chase the paper”, you just wish that someone would nudge him and let him know it’s 2014, not 2004.
50 Cent is a creature of the last decade. He had a Pro-George Bush stance, he sucked up to the shitty duo of Dre and Eminem, he released horrid films, computer games, and music which as a whole helped tarnish black culture and simultaneously rid any credibility from a once respectable music genre. Just thinking back at his career is a nightmare in itself, filled with cheesy “Gangsta” lyrics juxtaposed with Justin Timberlake collabos. Recalling the appalling “G-G-G-G-U-niiiiit” call and that terrible “go shorty, it’s your birthday” line is enough to induce sweating and palpations. Shit, I might just pinch myself right now to get out of this noughties flashback.
On the Deluxe Edition of the album, “Animal Ambition” contains three Bonus Tracks just in case you want to prolong the throwback agony. First up, there is the super-dull “The Funeral” which may as well not have been recorded. This is followed by “You Know” which sounds like an 16-bit console being flung through a sell-out convention. And finally “Flip On You”, which at least features Schoolboy Q delivering a slightly modern flow. But with the chipmunk sounding vocal sample constantly playing in the back and the bog-standard 50 Cent rap; this track closes an album which is so bad; it makes you wonder if everybody involved was deaf. And if you do have a hearing problem or just love wack irrelevant rappers, lame lyrics, and lame production; worry not, for “Street King Immortal” (50’s next album) is coming soon.
50 Cent’s ambition to be an animal has come true for him, I guess… Although, with this Mickey Mouse album, he’s more of a Disney animal.