When I think back to the early nineties, it seemed that everybody hated authority. We disliked the Government, we despised the Police, and we wished the Royal Family would just piss off. It’s strange, but after more than a decade of corrupt press, some calculated PR, and years of media bias, Britain has become a bunch of kiss-arse sell-outs who now seem to love the idea of hierarchy and who adore Royalty (although this could just be the perception given by the corrupt press, the calculated PR, and the years of media bias).

Over the last decade, British people have become ignorant to Classicism, blind to Government corruption, and they now seem to revel at the very sight of a toffee-nosed tit in a crown. Draped house to toe in their shitty “Keep Calm” products, waving the Union Jack like a flock of jingoistic sheep, it seems that all it takes is receiving a day off from their job in order for an entire nation to grovel to a troupe of resource takers and country stealers. And while these Royalist idiots watched shitty boats float up a pissy river, or celebrated the marriage of a dick and a twat, gradually the British Royal Family became as popular as A-List celebrities.

It’s 2014, and it seems weirdly archaic to think that a large portion of the world still think the idea of a superior blood-line is a good thing for humanity. In Britain; especially since the Jubilee, the Royal Wedding, and the Olympic Opening Ceremony, the British people have been suckered into sucking up to these Blue-Blooded bitches. Speak to any British Royalist and they’ll usually give you three reasons why they think the Royal Family is a good thing:

1. They are great for tourism and business

2. We should be respectful to our Nation’s history, and be proud of our heritage

3. The Class excuse: they are simply better than us commoners

So let’s break each of these foolish statements down one by one. Firstly the…

“Tourism And Business” Excuse

The amount of times I’ve heard sycophants say “Royalty is great for tourism” without ever checking the facts. Firstly, the Royal Family and their associated attractions such as Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle either bring in as much money as it costs them to run, or around a third of the total amount given to them by the British people (depending on whose figures you believe). Being the most expensive Royal Family in Europe, the best case scenario is that they break even or very slightly make a profit. They then live off any proceeds in a grandiose way without ever sharing any of the wealth with the Tax Payers themselves. In any case, it is the British Museum, the National Gallery, the Natural History Museum, and Tate Modern that are in reality the most popular visitor attractions in Britain, none of which have anything to do with Royalty.

Parallel to this “tourism” excuse are the people who say things like “they do such a hard job” and “I wouldn’t want their job” in a whimpering and boot-licking tone. To these brown-nosing clowns I say this; being Royal is not a job, and it’s definitely not a job any of us commoners could ever hope to get. Royalty is worse than nepotism, you can only join if you’re somehow incestuously linked to a horrid Greeco-Germanic blood-line. Since the public never get to choose who’s in charge, since there’s no interview, and since their sole responsibility is to cut ribbons, wave at grovellers, and to fanny about the Commonwealth exposing their nether regions, what the fuck makes you think being Royal is a “job”?

It’s much harder and also much more rewarding to build a brand from scratch. It is therefore much more satisfying when you hear that foreign tourists want to come to Britain to see the home of The Beatles, H.G. Wells, Charles Dickens, Arthur Conan Doyle, The Brontë Sisters, William Shakespeare, Robin Hood, William Wallace, and Guy Fawkes, rather than the tired old decrepit Monarchy. Surely genuine talent and personality brings in a greater interest in our country than a system of rule which is seeded in violence, lies, corruption, and prejudice?

Safe to say that the British Royal Family would not exist if tourism was the only reason for them. Knowing this, Royalists also whip out the old…

“Be Respectful To Our Nation’s History” Excuse

British history is littered with conflict and invasion. Thousands of years have been filled with numerous battles resulting in invading forces and different Rulers; from Romans, Vikings, to Anglo-Saxons. It is therefore futile to argue who would or should be the “real” or “deserved” Royalty in this Country. The fact that Britain has and always will be a place for nomads and immigrants ever since its creation after the Ice Age, why then should anybody have the right to rule in a land which began as a Monarch-free zone, especially when the present Royals themselves have no history in this Country prior to their clandestine takeover?

I mean, when Prince Harry donned full Nazi regalia for a friend’s birthday party in 2004, unbeknownst to the majority of the World, this was one of the most accurate and truthful outfits he could have chosen to represent his family. In Britain we have a long heritage of mocking the Royal Family, and more often than not it is on the basis that they are German. The sad thing is that although many people laugh at these jokes, the majority of them fail to understand how true the “jokes” really are.

This particular Royal Family, known to the world as the “Windsors”, have been endured by the British since 1917. Without making you historically bored with the subject (although you have every right to be tired of Regal History) The House Of Windsor started life with King George V who was of a German duchy (poncey way of saying “belonging to a duke”). With anti-German sentiments on the rise at the time of the First World War, the family changed their name to a stuck-up British sounding “Windsor” from the original stuck-up German sounding “Saxe-Coburg-Gotha”. Had this been the end of the story I would not have mentioned it, as personally I do not care whether our oppressors are British or German, my main beef with Royalty is not their Nationality, but their undeserved Sovereignty.

I mean, you can trace the Windsor family tree back in all kinds of directions, some Historians link them with Caesar, others with the original House Of Wessex, the Egyptians, the Lost Tribe Of Dan, and even Vlad The Impaler. If you trace the family tree back yourself, you may find it veering off into Europe, past some Nazi’s, and straight into Hades. The fact that whether they do or do not descend from the “original” Anglo-Saxon King Cerdic is actually irrelevant in fact, since everybody who has ever set foot in Britain since prehistoric times has been an invading immigrant or a nomadic immigrant. The fact that a hefty proportion of right-wing British Royalists are so anti-immigration, and even anti-German, it defies logic that they would cower to a Greek-cum-German interloper and essentially stick a bunch of immigrants at the top of their own xenophobic food chain.

Ignoring this train of thought, the lowest of all low über-Royalists will give you the…

“They Are Better Than Us” Excuse

The “Windsors” have a very tawdry past and stem from a crooked family tree with vine-like inbred branches. For example; William and Kate are fourteenth cousins once removed, Prince Charles and Lady Diana are 11th cousins once removed, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip are 2nd cousins once removed, and also 3rd cousins by a different line of descent. In fact, the British Royal Family Tree is so intertwined from inbreeding, that it almost resembles a DNA strand of a racist. And racism in fact, is another attribute of the Royal Family along with inbreeding. The whole world by now are very aware of the various racist antics each of the Royals has taken part in, but if you’re not, let me refresh your memory…

…Aside from the aforementioned Nazi costume, Prince Harry has been documented using racial slurs such as “Paki” and “Raghead”. His father Prince Charles is known to have given the nickname “Sooty” to one of his Indian friends, and his Grandfather Prince Philip is the immediate family’s most hate-filled of them all, with numerous abhorrent occurrences to his name; There was the occasion in which he asked a Kenyan woman “You are a woman, aren’t you?“, then he was documented as telling British students in China ”If you stay here much longer, you will go home with slitty eyes.” During a tour of Papua New Guinea, he told another British student ”You managed not to get eaten then?” and on a visit to Australia he asked an Aborigine, “Still throwing spears?”. Prince Harry’s Great Grandmother, the Queen mother, is also known to have referred to black people as “nig-nogs” and “blackamoors”. She also criticised the wife of Lord Mountbatten, viceroy of India because her mother was half-Jewish.

It isn’t surprising that a family who have ties with members of the Nazi party and even the SS, have these kinds of opinions about race. But surely a family which is supposed to be superior to the rest of Britain should be above such petty and ignorant prejudices? Surely a Royal Family who is superior to all us “commoners” should be beyond antediluvian concepts such as bigotry and incestuous lineage, but no, the Royals are an outdated and hate-filled clan of congenital racists.

The mainstream media, who seems to be in the pocket and under the boot of the Monarchy, repeatedly downplays every story which does not favour the Royals. Through this manipulation, we are sold a “pleasant” and “harmless” family who are completely free of wrong doing. All the while the same corrupt media tell us that Countries such as North Korea whose “Supreme Leader” Kim Jong-un (who succeeded his father Kim Jong-il who in turn succeeded his father Kim Il-sung) is to be viewed as oppressive due partly to their non-elected method of leadership. In the same breath however, we are told that a British aristocratic dynasty (our Monarchy) is completely legitimate and to be respected. The two views completely contradict one another and prove that the media as a whole only respects hierarchy and nepotism when the claim to supremacy is by a Western Caucasian.

With channels like Sky News showing hours and hours of footage of a Hospital door at the time of the Royal Birth, we are all told to respect even the non-events which concern these arse-pumps. Entertainment reporters including the morons at the E! Channel made such a meal of the Royal birth last year (and are still gawking over Prince George) that almost all the world bought into this idea of Royal importance. I mean c’mon, all babies are cute, hell even Adolf Hitler was a cute baby. It’s what a child grows up to be that’s important. And with the track record of this family, more likely than not, the little shit will turn out to be a self-centred, over-privileged twat. Do we really want another descendent of Vlad The Impaler to be in line for the throne?

I mean, unless the Windsors were twenty foot tall, had super-powers, and could grant wishes, why the hell are we supposed to worship these ordinary humans? If David Icke was ever proved right and the Royal Family turned out to be actual lizards, at least that would be a reason to set them apart from the rest of us. But to gaze at these below-average looking, below-average educated, plain and normal humans and see something “special” means there’s something seriously wrong with you.

Admiring a wrinkly arsehole wearing a Crown and holding a Sceptre which are both adorned with stolen jewels (from nations we now try to prevent from entering our country) is downright daft. And to sit at the bottom of a Class System whilst being respectful to the person or persons that put you there is the epitome of stupid.

So if the British Royal Family does not bring in a bigger amount of tourism revenue than a bog-standard Museum, do not even originate from this country, are no more “special” than the average citizen, and are human beings, why do we still have to bow down or courtesy to these horse-looking halfwits? Any Republicans out there, please put this question to any Royalists you meet.

Revolution Retribution Redistribution.