Our life on this planet is constructed around contrasting yet unavoidable opposites; from day/night, male/female, hot/cold, happy/sad, we cannot have one without the other. People are the same, roughly half of us will enjoy a certain event or period of time, whereas the other half will completely hate it. Decades also seem to follow this yin-yang pattern (give or take a few years) for instance; if you enjoyed the late eighties and early nineties, when everything was bright and emblazoned with Peace signs. If you hark back to the Golden Age of Hip-Hop or the early days of Rave, House, and Jungle music; you will probably enjoy this coming decade. If however, you revelled in the money-centric, red braces wearing, Filofax carrying suited early-to-mid-eighties, then you probably loved the noughties.
For me, the last decade or so (around 1998 to last year) was one of the most excruciating, most ghastly, and most depressing times in history. With the War On Terror controlling almost everything we did, it seemed that you couldn’t go a few minutes without somebody mentioning “9/11” or “Terrorism”. You couldn’t have an Anti-war, Anti-Military, or Anti-West opinion without some cocksucker calling you a traitor or un-Patriotic. You couldn’t even walk two fucking feet without some twat sucking the proverbial dick of an Iraq Vet or a Fire-fighter.
It was also a decade when Film, Television, and Music took a nosedive into entertainment hell. Reality Television took off big time, and Simon “Gynecomastia” Cowell was on almost every fucking channel. Endless repeats of “Pimp My Ride” and “MTV Cribs” were shown, and just as Television became unwatchable, we all went out and bought widescreen TV’s.
Film and cinema took a turn for the worst as Multiplexes popped up everywhere, only to be filled with green screen, dark, moody shitfests with overused flashbacks. We had to contend with an onslaught of “found-footage” flicks and M. Night Shyamalan twists.
Music became some lame, kiddy-friendly shite filled with arse-kissers and posers, and every music video had some idiot gyrating their gluteus maximus into a fisheye lens. Hip-Hop became all about “bling and bitches” and almost every god-forsaken lyric was about “being in a club” or “sipping Cristal”.
The people themselves became addicted to GHD hair straighteners, either that or they gelled their hair into some spiky crop cockatoo bullshit. It was also the decade when every Tom, Dick, and Harry became overly obsessed with designer labels, Botox, and boob jobs. This plastic generation were at home in this gaudy, tacky, subservient time, when every motherfucklette waved their flags like sheep as long as the money kept coming in and their chrome rims kept spinning.
Time, like every other constant in our reality, seems to obey the laws of Dualism. And I guess that, if it were not for these completely dull, depressing, and downright disastrous times in our life, we wouldn’t know what was truly satisfying, beautiful, and worth living for. The noughties was definitely the decade that made me realise how much I enjoyed the time from ’88-’96. Hopefully this period of time we’re in right now can be as great as the early nineties.
For me, the noughties will forever be remembered as the decade that was guilty of many crimes; crimes against fashion, crimes against music, crimes against film and television, and worse of all… crimes against humanity.