Caricatures

What Went Wrong With… Timbaland & Pharrell?

Caricatures of Timbaland and Pharrell of Neptunes against Virginian State Flag by What Went Wrong With

Timbaland & Pharrell are walking, talking, and producing examples of musicians who have sold-out. These two Virginian Pop-Whores managed to take a genre famed for its grimy sound, and over a decade metamorphose it into modern-day Disco trash. Because of these two money-hungry bitches; Hip-Hop will never be the same again.

Famous for their electronic bullshit production, their style was seen as new and unique back in the nineties. Timbaland rose to fame with his digitized ethnic two-step, and along with Missy & Magoo began blurring the lines of Rap and R&B. Pharrell and The Neptunes then brought us yet more Rap & Bullshit, with their Seinfeld Theme-sounding slap-bass crap. Together they transformed Hip-Hop into Hip-Pop by making it accessible to a mainstream middle-class audience.

By the millennium, the majority of Hip-Hop acts had crossed-over in a mad dash for Pop cash. They abandoned their two turntables and began to rely on these two dicks for beats. In turn, Pop acts who needed extra credibility, turned to the likes of these two for their production and slowly Hip-Hop became indistinguishable from Pop. To mainstream dullards who loved ring-tone sounding aural sewage; this was heaven, but to any fan of Hip-Hop; this was a tragedy of epic proportions.

In the noughties, because of these two fuckwits; we could listen to the likes of Nas, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, and Noreaga and hear the same sound as Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, and Nelly Furtado. Timbaland and Pharrell led Hip-Hop from the street to the high-street. They brought money and recognition, but at the expense of credibility and longevity. A decade later; these two cunts are probably wallowing in a pool of Royalty cheques while Hip-Hop burns atop a pyre stoked by self-hatred.

Astonishingly, in an interview in 2009 with MTV; Timbaland had the gall to say that he was “done with Hip-Hop” saying that everybody of his generation had left. He failed to acknowledge that it was in fact his generation that was responsible for fucking up Hip-Hop in the first place, and that more accurately, Hip-Hop was done with him.

Unfortunately, Timbaland and Pharrell have no intention in leaving music alone; with both of them reaching out into the further depths of tragic bubblegum Pop. Tracks with dick-swabs like Robin Thicke, Bruno Mars, Miley Cyrus, and even the insipid Lindsay Lohan are in the works.

Mr. Mosely and Mr. Williams killed Hip-Hop.

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