Robert Rinder is a bland yet irritating wanker. With all the looks and personality of a boiled egg, it takes less than 10 minutes of watching him to realise he stinks. This dull twat made his career as a barrister, at one point defending British servicemen charged with […]
Set 27 years after the events of It Chapter One, It Chapter Two finds the members of the Loser’s Club all grown-up. Set in 2016, the group meet once more to defeat Pennywise The Dancing Clown, the personification of kid’s nightmares (or so I thought – more on […]
Jade: The Reality Star Who Changed Britain, is a pretentiously-titled, three-part documentary that charts the rise and fall of a pudgy, pug-faced prat who gained fame after appearing on the reality show Big Brother. The programme takes around three hours to convince its audience that Jade Goody was […]
Hooray, the “Fallen” film series has managed to achieve their goal of creating the most lacklustre Action trilogy in the history of Hollywood! If you’ve never had the non-pleasure of viewing these lumps of filmic dung, I can only describe them as sporting an extremely tawdry look (think […]
Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood is one of the most overrated films in recent years and it’s made by the most overrated director of our time. As all the posters and trailers state, this is Quentin Tarantino‘s 9th film (it’s his 10th if you include his Grindhouse […]
Remember that one-shit wonder by Nizlopi called “JCB”? It was the most embarrassingly mediocre songs from the mid-noughties (which is saying something given the level of shite released at that time). The track was wannabe sentimental and wannabe emotional, but the lyrics were country-bumpkin-basic and extremely cringe-inducing. With […]
Remember when films used to get mocked or ignored by the time the sequels exceeded three? When the poster read “four” or “five” the franchise was well and truly dead. These days however, thanks to a convergence of foolish fans and money-hungry studio executives, we have film franchises […]
Abbey Lee Kershaw is yet another model who has pussyfooted her way into Hollywood. It seems that the fashion show catwalk leads directly into Tinseltown and anybody with skinny legs and a gaunt face is allowed to strut into it. If like me, you watched Mad Max: Fury […]
Disney are at it again with their so-called “live action” remakes, this time retelling the 90s classic The Lion King. Jon Favreau, who brought us 2016’s live action The Jungle Book is back at the helm of another Walt Disney money-maker but this time the end result is […]
Ed and Lorraine Warren were real-life paranormal investigators and their most famous cases gave birth to The Conjuring franchise, a series of horror films which began with James Wan’s The Conjuring. The first film in the series was hugely satisfying; it was written by people who were interested […]
From John Singleton to M. Night Shyamalan, when a writer-director’s first full-length feature is so impressive, their follow-up is disappointing by comparison. This is also true of Ari Aster, who just last year brought us the highly original horror movie Hereditary. Unfortunately his latest film Midsommer is unsatisfying […]
Written by Richard Curtis and directed by Danny Boyle, Yesterday tells the story of a busker, pub performer, and part-time warehouse worker Jack Malik whose biggest music gig is an almost empty tent at the Latitude Festival. One night, during a worldwide blackout, Jack is struck by a […]
Child’s Play is a reboot of the classic 1988 horror movie of the same name but unfortunately, the title is the only thing that this remake shares with its predecessor. The poster and the trailer for this movie boasts about it coming from the “producers of IT” and […]
“Madame X” is an alter-ego of Madonna and the name of her latest album. In a similar way to Nicki Minaj’s “Roman”, Beyonce’s “Sasha Fierce” and Canibus’ “Rip The Jacker”, this is an artist who realises they’ve been making banal music and so reinvents themselves with a different […]
I Am Mother is a science fiction thriller available to watch on Netflix from today. The plot is simple: after an apocalyptic extinction, a girl is raised by a robot mother in a “repopulation facility” sealed-off from the outside world. After finding a mouse one day, the girl […]
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